Maybe it's because I've been drinking alone on a friday night but I'm trolling on her instagram which she hasn't posted on in years and I'm constantly reminded how much I miss her. It was an 'almost' relationship and we were coworkers and when I got another job she told me how I hurt her with how I acted sometimes and when I would ignore her. Even though I only did it cause I felt like she was confusing too or I didn't mean to and she was playing the same game. She has a lot of issues and a fucked up past but all I can think about this past month since I've last seen her is her body language, her smile, her voice, her gestures, the way she dressed, her intelligence, the way she talks, the jokes she makes, the wild shit she says in my head constantly over and over. Like every single little detail about her flashes in my brain over and over. I've never felt this way before...usually I just move on. I just want to text her and see how she is doing, I just wanna know how she has been. I just wanna know if she's doing ok and if she's happy and healthy. I also just want her in my life again but I feel like such a dumb ass for it. I know I fucked it all up and I know deep down she never felt as strongly as I felt. Someone please knock some sense into me before I text this girl how much I miss her. I know I could move on but it seems like every girl into me just doesn't compare. I'm so sick. I thought I could only miss my ex this much but this girl...is the most I've ever felt for anyone in a long time. I am so sick. Someone end me. Do I just text her and hurt my self again again til I finally learn my lesson? or do I hold this feeling inside til I hope it goes away? The last thing I said to her was if you ever forgive me you know where the reach me and we can just start again from the beginning. But I'm feeling doubtful. I don't know what to do. Someone just slap me.
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