For context, I'm a 19 year old male, I think I'm bisexual but could just be gay lol idk I'll figure it out later.
I've been obsessed with this guy since before I even knew I liked guys in grade 8. I just thought (and still think) he was the most attractive person ever. I just wanted to always be looking at him. We became friends in grade 11, but never really hung out cuz I didn't know how to initiate it (I was a scared lil 16 year old). Then last year he asked if I could see if I could possibly get him a job at where I work, which I obviously freaked out about and told my managers that he's the best worker so they'd hire him haha.
I didn't think I'd fall in love with him. I just thought I thought he was SO attractive, but I didn't think I'd like him as a person so much. I don't know what it is, I just always wanna talk to him. Then some of my friends at work started asking me if I thought he was gay, which suddenly made me think of that as a possibility. I had barely even considered it. Whenever we're talking, it feels like he's almost flirting with me or something, but that's most likely all in my head.
We were at a party at the end of the summer and I told him I was bi, and he was so cool about it and was really excited and seemed to like talking about it. We stayed up until 7am just talking and hanging out. I was so close to telling him I like him.
That all happened right before I moved away for school. Went a few months without seeing him. I came back this weekend and went to a party with him, and afterwards he insisted on walking me home which was 30 minutes out of the way each way for him and he had his longboard, so he could've just boarded home. We were talking about bisexuality and stuff, and I said I couldn't imagine being 100% straight, and he said something like "Oh yeah like I'm not bisexual, but I don't know, that could just be because I haven't met a guy who made me feel like that yet." Ouch. I keep wondering if he was just saying that because he didn't want me to think he likes me, or the more realistic option that he was being honest.
I can't take this anymore. I just need to know. I'm almost at the point of asking him point blank because this hurts too much. I can't stop thinking about him and I always wanna be around him. What should I do? I don't wanna ruin our friendship or make things weird and awkward. Literally any advice at all will help. Thank you so much
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