Incredibly long back story- I love to write and sometimes my colorful language adds a significant amount of girth to my “quick summaries”
I’m typically a very level-headed individual and I’ve never found myself in a romantic situation where I’ve been blinded by love. But I’ve been smitten since the day we met.
It was almost a year ago, We instantly hit it off. And spoke non-stop for months and I started spending the greater parts of my week sleeping next to him. It felt intimate, and beautiful, and I felt like he felt the same way about me. I confronted him on my desire for a committed monogamous relationship, and he shared his insecurities with me and apprehension regarding relationships. The rejection hurt, but I agreed to keep seeing him. The issue arose cyclically, and the relationship ended in tears after he admitted to sleeping with other people during our time together, and I’d driven him insane with my requests for more that he was not ready to give. I was heartbroken.
We connected again a few months later. I was extremely reluctant and he reached out to me several times before I agreed to see him again on the premise of screwing each others brains out.
We ended up sexing it up, and spent the night holding each other and gazing at one another. I’d never missed someone more in my life than while I was holding him that night. It was clear he’d missed me too, and we left holes in each others lives. I agreed to try our relationship again if he respected my need for intimate exclusivity.
We are 3.5 months into the second go round. He has shared more of his life with me, and we are making baby (tiny) steps towards combining our worlds. I am way more in love with him and we both know it. I wanted to revisit the idea of a relationship with him as I felt we’d reached new milestones and I wanted to touch base. It was during this conversation he told me:
“I see us breaking up down the line because all relationships end, and so they don’t really matter”
I asked him if he’d like to separate on the basis of that idea and he stated no. But that he needs more time, and more time doesn’t guarantee a relationship between us.
During our relationship, X, has struggled with depression, and has admitted his nihilistic outlook on existence to me. I love and accept those pieces of him, but it never occurred to me that these ideas might extend to our relationship.
I am very loving and value intimacy and honesty. I want to love and support him, but still have a strong desire for more commitment, and growth together.
From an outsider looking in, the advice I need is this:
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Is my desire to “define” our relationship valid, or am I obsessing over titles with the belief that it will bring greater intimacy and closeness?
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How do you love someone with depression that struggles so heavily with finding meaning in things?
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Why did he and does he continue to pursue our relationship if he feels that way, and he knows how I feel?
I feel very helpless, but he means a very lot to me. All insights are appreciated.
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