Beyond my best friend, and two other close friends, that's how things feel. I dont even know how to describe it, I'm living in a world where things are reaching an inevitable and bloody conclusion I cant control (climate change/World War III). With most of the friends I have/have had they're mostly going about in their own stories that their the centers of. In terms of the women I've loved, dated, and been with, all I've been is just a step in their own journey, cant even tell whether I was a road of significance or a rock on the side of the path that could have been just as easily ignored.
I'm outside right now, just got off the phone with my best friend, been thinking a lot today.. There are concentration camps in my country, people are being demanded to show papers in the subway. Britain's preparing now to invade Crimea and start fighting Russia. So absurd.
And amongst all this, as I sit watching the last light of the sun go away, I, for some reason, went on social media, decided to look at some posts from a girl I had met and kissed passionately a few times. We had discussed our lives, our hopes and fears, the things she'd experienced, how we both fear this world's future. And looking through, all I could think is my utter failure to touch anyone's life, in the end were I to die now it simply wouldn't matter, not to anyone but my family.
Not that I care if some random girl would cry at my passing, but it's just strange for me to think how a person could touch my life while I ultimately didnt register in theirs. Like with my ex girlfriend. Like my friend I lost my virginity to. Like the first girl I ever loved. To so many, it seems like I was nothing but a pebble on the side of the road.
And what a thought to have, on a road to the end, to think that you meant nothing.
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