The other night I went to a gay bar and I was having a good time dancing and singing with friends and strangers.
At some point during the night, a man placed his arm around my shoulder and we were singing to whatever song that was being played. It's fun to vibe with people over music so I didn't mind that at all!
I went back to see my friends when it was over. As I walked back the same guy high fived me and later said "Let me slap your ass!" I told him I didn't roll that way and he still proceeded to slap my ass. I told him to back off and he just replied back "I would have just taken it". Now, maybe I was "signalling" to other people that I was gay (I'm not) because I was wearing a pink sweater but that's still no reason to just throw yourself at someone and assume that all your advances will be received well. I wore pink because I like pink.
Later during the night, another song I like was being played and I went back to the stage to dance. This man, once again, came up to the stage and forcefully tried to dance with me. I shoved him away. He proceeded to try and dance with someone else.
Now, at no point was I scared during the night. I'm a rather fit guy and I'm pretty sure protecting myself against this man would not have been too difficult. I was mostly just annoyed but I probably would have gotten really angry had this man kept on going with his advances.
I hated the ass slap, I hated the fact he forcefully tried to get me to dance with him and I hated his dismissive attitude towards the boundaries I tried to set up. As I went home, I just wondered "Shit, imagine what women have to go through". While I only felt a short instance of annoyance and frustration, many ladies have to put up with something like this on a consistent basis and there's easily a huge ordeal of shame, humiliation, fear and anger.
I'm not really a feminist type of person, but after this experience, it really opened up to me to many issues you ladies are facing. I know this guy in my story is probably in the minority, but we still have to do better.
I have done things to women that have been received negatively and that have caused awkward situations in the past and I probably still do to some extent today (although I think I've improved a little, haha). I don't really know how to end this post. Reading signs is difficult. Knowing when something will be received well is almost always a gamble. Some people will be OK with certain things and others may not. I guess my only advice is to think a few more seconds before you act and if someone is not OK with a certain advance do not be dismissive. Learn from them and keep improving.
[link] [comments]
from Dating Advice https://ift.tt/36exTDL
via IFTTT
No comments:
Post a Comment