I’m (26F) seeing this guy (29). We’ve been talking for about 6ish weeks, so not too long, but long enough to stay active in each other lives. Our schedules suck, i have a child that i have every other week, this guy works night shift mon-thurs. So we only see each other on the weekends i don’t have my son, so twice a month (which I’m nervous will be an issue later on). This weekend will be our 4th date. I like this guy, at least enough to continue seeing him. But i hate how we don’t see each other as often as I’d like. Every other week is ok, but it’s for a few short hours, a sleep over at most. He’s funny, and nice, and sweet, and handsome. He has a good career that he enjoys and his own habits (which are complete opposite from mine, i like working out and he’s more of the video game/binge tv type) which i think is important. There really isn’t any red flags here.
The other day my ex bf texted me completely out of the blue. We talked a little bit, it was mainly just a “hey you crossed my mind and i just wanted to reach out and say hi/how are ya” and that was it. I really, truly was grossly obsessed with this ex bf. Like, so infatuated it was annoying. Things didn’t work out and that’s that. But he made me feel so good. He gave me butterflies whenever his name popped up on my phone (still did, but maybe due to being anxious about why he’s reaching out). He made me laugh so hard, the way he just touched me, a simple non sexual touch, would drive me insane. He made me brain foggy in the best way possible. I was, and still am sometimes, bummed it didn’t work out with him.
Now, I’ve thought about this before my ex texted me, although him texting me doesn’t help. This new guy I’m seeing doesn’t ignite the flame inside of me like my last bf. And i know that they’re 2 completely different people so I’m not holding one to their others standards or pedestal, at least not intentionally. I do have fun with my new guy, things feel pretty easy and simple with him. He does make me laugh and i do enjoy seeing him, and i do get butterflies at the thought of seeing him this weekend. But not in the same way that my ex affected me. And i feel bad for thinking that way. I feel like, well maybe if this guy doesn’t make me feel as crazy about him as my last guy did should i even pursue?? But at the same time, they’re not the same person, so will i ever date someone who really gets my engine going the same way my ex did? I feel bad saying that. But it’s the truth.
I guess this is more of a rant than anything, but is it normal to not feel the fire with someone new the dame way you felt it with someone old???
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