Hi guys, just made a throwaway acct to post this because it’s been admittedly weighing on me; okay so here it goes.
I (23F) met a guy (23M) that I have a huge crush on. Our first two dates went very well, we ended up having sex if that matters, and then there was a month long gap between the 3rd date because I was very busy & going through a lot. We still talked on occasion between date 2 and 3, mainly through social media but text too. Fast forward to our 3rd date and it went just as well. We were laughing all night, he would hold my hands and kiss my forehead, he doesn’t give me verbal compliments a lot but he showed affection to me through many other small gestures. I stayed the night at his place. When I left the next day, I thought forsure that we both had an amazing time together. I knew I enjoyed myself and I genuinely thought he did too.
Now it’s been almost a month and we haven’t seen each other since. I definitely expected to see him again by now. I know he’s not too busy to have not made time for me by now. Normally I would just tell myself that at this rate he’s not interested and I should just move on. Thing is, he hasn’t “ghosted” me by any means. He’s been reaching out here and there (through text or through snap/IG responding to my posts), and that’s what’s making me so confused. On one hand, he hasn’t made any effort to see me again. On the other hand, he’s still talking to me. What is the point of this? Why would he talk to me if he’s not interested in me anymore?? Can anyone give me some insight into what this sounds like?
Also if this matters, I have a few girl friends that know this guy, and both of them swear that they’ve never seen him as the player type. That he’s not the type that just “gets bitches.” One of them even said they don’t remember him ever having a girlfriend in the years she hung out around him. And based off our interactions, he doesn’t come across as a player to me (I’ve had my fair share of experiences with those guys), but at the same time 3 dates isn’t enough to completely know someone. There’s this part of me that thinks he’s not the most “experienced” in the dating world - he’s super into his hobby/sport of choice and wants to go pro so I have wondered if he just hasn’t made time to date much and is shy. After all i did make the first move (which I didn’t mind, I’m confident enough to do so) cause I had a feeling I would need to initiate things.
We never had the “what are you looking for” talk because I wasn’t sure if it was too soon to bring it up, of course now I wish I had so maybe I’d have some clarity. I am currently looking for something of substance, something that could actually develop into a long-term commitment. My days playing games are over so I don’t want any of that. I know I should just talk to him about all of this, but I’m stubborn and prideful and afraid of getting hurt so I have bit my lip in the chances I’ve had to bring this up. I just keep telling myself that if he was truly interested in me, he’d make more an effort. But am I maybe being a little one-sided?
Anyways if anyone wants to offer their objective opinion, I’d be happy to hear it regardless of its outcome. Feel free to be fully honest, and you can DM me if you’d like more detailed info on the scenario if needed. I didn’t want to reveal too much in case he could ever come across this, so some details have been withheld of course. Thanks for listening to my stupid rant.
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