M [30] dating F [33] 1.5 years
I'm sure this has been posted on Reddit thousands of times but I want to get some advice on my own unique situation. Been in a relationship now for nearly 1.5 years and have been living together for 8 months. We get along great, rarely argue, same personalities and we do love each other. There is a big intimacy issue ever since the beginning of the relationship. She told me kissing is something she does not like that much and every now and then we just have a little peck. She is well aware that kissing is my biggest form of affection, I would choose a passionate kissing session over sex. I would never push her to do anything she does not like to do or make her feel bad about it but when I told her the first time and any time I bring it up her response is just, "Oh well, too bad for you." and that is where it ends. It's not the fact that she doesn't like to kiss but there is no consideration or conversation about it at all.
Another huge issue is the lack of sex or any anything flirtatious. For over a year when ever I make a move she pushes me away, says we will do it tomorrow and of course we never do. I asked her how I can turn her on because she doesn't like to kiss, have her neck kissed or be touched anywhere intimate. She just responded by saying she doesn't even know how to get turned on and that was the end of the conversation. It got to the point to where I stopped trying to kiss or have sex and this went on for nearly 3 months and she didn't even notice. After all of this time I only saw her with out clothes once and she has to wear a shirt when we are intimate. We cuddle a lot but that is all.
The worst part of all is I really do love her. I think she is a great person, smart and really beautiful but there is this huge part missing. The most alarming part is what happened 4 months ago, when she asked why I have not proposed yet. I told her how I felt about not being intimate and how it feel like she is not even attracted to me. I told her how it feels to be shot down not only for sex but for a kiss and anything flirtatious every single time. She understood and we started to work through it, we even are going to see a couples counselor and nothing changed.
The main reason I am reaching out for advice is because of what happened yesterday. She knows lack of affection and intimacy is my biggest hold back for moving this relationship forward and she is pressuring me to propose. But yesterday her OBGYN told her that since she has been on the pill since she was 13 and the type of birth control that she is taking explains her lack of sex drive and desire for intimacy. When she told me this I was beyond excited, we found the solution to the biggest roadblock in our relationship and we can finally just be in to each other on that level. My excitement was cut short when she said she will keep taking the pill and she will just get me off when I need to. I honestly don't get it. She knows the only reason I have not asked her to marry me is because I feel like she is not attracted to me and she pushes me almost on a daily basis to propose but yet she won't even consider not taking the pill. I asked her why and she said she doesn't want cramps.
When she told me this I was sitting on the couch and I nearly broke down. It's not just about sex. It's about being close with the person I love most in life. I am terrified that she only cares about herself. 4 months of going to a couples counselor together and all of the times how I told her how much it really has hurt me over the 1.5 years and she won't even try a solution that her doctor is saying will work. Obviously I am not going to break up with her over what every responses I get from strangers on the internet but I just want some advice. We have talked, I told her my feelings and... I just can't write this any more.
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