My fiancé & I have been together for 3.5 years, & got engaged last year. Everything has been great on his end. He’s patient, Forgiving, understanding etc. he’s never called me out my name or even cursed at me.
This past April, I had a incident where I acted out of character & he had to physically move me (I was tipsy) out the way so he could just use the bathroom. I’ve beat myself up for the incident because it was just so out of character. I’d like to add this year has been a lot for me, I’ve had a lot of deaths in my family so it’s been overwhelming. Anyways He moved on & forgave me for it. However, I’ve been overthinking & questioning everything since then. Like literally crazy stuff, like “am I in a abusive relationship? What if our marriage doesn’t work, “what if he hurts me?” (Keep in mind he’s shown me no sides of these things). My anxiety has been through the roof & now it’s like I search for the bad in him to find a way to leave or I’ll over analyze things he say.
About a month ago, we were in the car & we were playing a questions game & my question to him was “name something you’ll never do again?” & he said “oh I’ll never put my hands on you again” (mind you he never has except for when he had to me move me when I was drunk & blocking the bathroom door & even then he was still calm) & I had a whole breakdown & he was like “I didn’t mean it like that, I meant I never want to be in a situation where you’re drunk & I have to move you or literally put my hands on your body so that you’ll stop being aggressive” but I still was like “oh no, so you’re saying that last time you did?” & he just looked at me confused.
Moral of the story, I feel like I’ve been crazy & just driving myself crazy with the “what if’s”. He’s broke down & told me how much he hates that i think he’s a bad person or some kind of monster. I know this sounds crazy but like how do I stop? Do I have legit concerns? I don’t want to lose him but I’m starting to think I’m the problem. Or maybe he is? Idk help.
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