My ex and I are in a terrible spot 1.5 weeks out from an extremely amicable breakup. Until a day or two go ago things were on extremely good terms, to the point she said more or less said she was still in love with me which I didn't think was the case immediately after the breakup.
A few days I sent her a message that looked like it was meant to go to someone else and said i sent it her by accident - after meeting with my therapist I realize this was highly manipulative. I think I just was trying to have an excuse to start a conversation. I can be very impulsive and I get these emotional urges. I happened to send something I actually was going to send someone else and she asked if the message was referring to her and I said yes. Anyways we talked and It was kind of pointless and confusing and left a bad impression. She then asked me later that night if I sent it on purpose and I lied then called her and said I did after she had said she trusted me. I was embarrassed and afraid pretty much right away, which is why I didn’t say the truth. I regretted sending it immediately.
The next day I texted her to apologize for violating her boundaries, and said I would give her space. We texted back and forth and I explained the physical and emotional feelings I get when I do something impulsively and how my OCD always gets super triggered by breakups and I get kind of weird. She ultimately decided that since trust had been lost and she didn’t like the way she felt after the text she would “take herself out of the equation” until she felt like she could trust again and I had worked on these behaviors, and then we could work on being friends.
I accepted it and said I would reach out when I had done work, and she said that would be the one to make contact. I said ok and had some things I would do to help me and ask that she not be shocked. She got really upset because I was making things confusing and I called her and basically let her know I was going to drop her on social media. She said I gaslit her the other day. She was very mad, more so even when I said I already had unfriended her. But I think she was mostly upset because I took a straightforward thing and made it way more confusing than it had to be. After asking me if I would be ok that night she hung up. I haven’t heard someone that angry in years.
I feel like a fucking moron and like I undid all the goodwill from how mature I had been previously (something she commented on earlier). How long should I expect this? Should even expect her to eventually reach out? I feel like the certainty I have now is making me less anxious which is good but I know it could be a while. Did I lose all respect from her too? Or is this something that some no contact could repair, even just as friends
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