Long story short, boyfriend betrayed my trust multiple times in the relationship. Nothing actually physical, but paying for camgirls / exclusive porn snapchats behind my back even after I told him to stop.
We've decided to try again, but I can't shake off feelings of mistrust. He once made an offhand comment about another girl that he'd like to get with if we ever broke up, and still talks to her almost daily.
I know this is terrible of me, but I'm getting these urges to cheat not because I'm attracted to other men, but to "even the grounds" if that even makes sense. I know that it's wrong of me and I absolutely will not go through with these urges, but I still feel like these thoughts are very damaging to our relationship. I'm still upset at his past behavior and even his behavior now to some extent.
Please shake me into place. Thanks.
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