About a month ago my roommates and I had some friends over for drinks, and a former coworker of one of my friends showed up. We've met a couple of times before in group settings, but never really talked much. Somehow throughout the night her and I started talking quite a bit, we'd linger in other rooms away from the party before rejoining the others. I wasn't really thinking much of it, I wasnt trying to make a move I was just having fun. We found out we shared a hobby and at the end of the night she gave me her number before leaving. I took it as more of a possible friendship and tried not to think much of it, but 2 of my friends that we're still there congratulated me and made it seem like she was interested. I sent her a friend request on FB that night, but forgot to immediately text her that night so she had my number.
A couple days go by, and she still didnt accept the friend request. Thought that might be a sign of disinterest, so I held off on texting her. About a week later I hangout with a friend who was there that night and knows her much better. I asked him about it, and he basically told me she was just being nice and that's how she is, and that I shouldn't text her. A little bummed, I listened to him.
Fast forward about 3 weeks, and we are having a halloween party. Just me and a couple other people are there in the beginning. A different friend of mine is inviting people, her being one of them. He says shes on her way and I'm feeling a little awkward. I answer the door, and one of the first things she says to me was that she was waiting for me to text her! We talk a bit, I told her that her friend told me not to,and she seemed confused as to why he would have said that. I ask her about the friend request and apparently shes not great at FB. She literally had our friend get on her phone to accept it because she said she didnt see it. We flirt constantly throughout the night, she gave me a few kisses on the cheek. Everyone there says shes into me, and as oblivious as I usually am even I can tell. Just hard for me to make a concrete move due to anxiety and being out of the dating game a while. A long while. End of the night I beat her in pool and ask what I win and she suggests taking me on "a date". I start thinking I'm in there. She says to me "you need to go to bed, its late" and walks me to my room.
It was an awkward start and she had to initiate making out because again I'm an idiot with anxiety. We make out for quite a while, shed some clothes. But once I started to take off my pants and progress it seems like she wasnt really game to have sex. We are both very liberal and we repeatedly made jokes during that we both needed repeated verbal consent during, saying "do you consent to this?" anytime we would do anything differently or take clothes off differently. Figure there was opportunity for her to say if she wanted to go all the way or not. We continue to make out and dry hump, and she took her top off as well. I should also mention that it's been quite a while since I've had a makeout session, and we had different ideas of kissing. I may be a terrible kisser, she kept instructing me and telling me what she liked and I'd listen but also my lack of recent experience kept making me go back to my usual. Regardless, she assured me she wanted to be there, was having fun, and told me not to he nervous. We end up cuddling and falling asleep while she was waiting for a friend to get off work and pick her up. I wake her up when her phone rings, walk her to the door, she hugs me and kisses me on the cheek and leaves in my hoodie.
That night I text her and make a joke about our date she owes me. We send a few texts back and forth, she tells me she has my hoodie and a couple things that were in the pocket. I tell her I had a great time and ask if shes free at all that week to hangout. End up getting no response. A couple days later I text her telling her that I found part of her costume at my house, she texts back and it's not just a dismissive text, I text her right back and now I havent heard from her in 4 days. I feel like in a way it's obvious shes not interested since she hasn't texted back, but everyone that was there assured me she was into me, and I know she was too, at least that night. She also never mentioned giving me my things or getting her costume, and she has hung out with my roommates girlfriend since then. I'm telling myself if she didnt anticipate hanging out again and didnt want to see me she would have given her the stuff to give to me. Or she is just keeping it lol.
So I'm thinking a couple scenarios possible. 1. My awkward lack of experience turned her off, evidenced by lack of communication from her now. Even though she was enjoying herself through my rustyness.
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She was in a long long term abusive relationship until recently, so shes probably going through more than I can imagine and maybe shes just got alot on her plate and figuring shit out.
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We were both drinking both of these nights, and it was just drunken fun times. Her referencing me not texting her 3 weeks later after the first time makes me feel like she had time to think it over at some point sober and still decide shes into me, but idk. Also her mentioning going on dates in the future, as opposed to just thinking about that night.
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She may have asked that friend why he told me not to text her, and I'm honestly not sure what he would say besides him just talking her out of it out of possible jealousy. Our mutual friends have confirmed he is the jealous type.
Now this is probably the prettiest girl to ever show interest in me, definitely as of recently. I dont neccessaryily believe in leagues but if I did she would be out of mine. But I do really like her personality and hanging out with her as well. I would like to persue a romantic relationship with her, but I still want to be her friend at this point if shes not interested. I'm wondering if I should text her a low pressure message. Something along the lines of me being interested in her, but also being able to be mature if she isnt interested in me anymore and that I would still like to be friends. We are going to see each other through our friend groups at some point and idk I would rather have some closure before that. I dont want to come off as needy or pushy but I think a somewhat short message explaining my interest but also that I enjoy her company and being friends if shes not interested romantically would help me out. Idk.
I cant really come up with a TL;DR so I really appreciate anyone who read through this and wants to give advice!
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