I was in a short term relationship that , while it didn’t last long, it was very intense and he suddenly changed his mind and basically ghosted me after asking to be exclusive, having pics on social media together, meeting friends and telling family. He went from giving me all the attention to acting angry and annoyed for wanting him to communicate why he was wanting things to end. I was devastated and it took me a really long time to get over. That was 6 months ago. The guy before that , we dated for almost 6 months before he randomly ghosted and I found out he had another gf on the other side of the country.
So, my fears stem from my past experience. I have a really big fear of being suddenly left and given no explanation or made feel like a pest for wanting basic communication. I feel like since these two incidents, I have done a lot of healing and self reflection and spent time improving myself. I have been on dates, but I haven’t dated anyone . I find now that when guys talk to me, I am more guarded and distant and have gotten into needing to be the first to stop replying bc I need that control. I can be talking to a guy I’m interested in, but I’ll always try to be the first to stop replying so that I don’t have to face the panic of being left on read.
Recently, I messaged a guy who lives in a city I’ll be visiting bc he’s got a lot a lot of clout and is big in his field that I am interested in. To my surprise, he offered to meet me up and show me around ( I just messaged to ask what places I should see on my trip) he messaged me on his personal account and we talked for a few days before I stopped replying . I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being annoying and he felt obligated to talk, even tho he seemed into the conversation and was asking questions/ sending lengthy replies.
I guess I’m just scared of being annoying and being an seen as an obligation.
Does anyone else experience this? What can I do to stop?
I’m 23/f btw
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