Hello!
First of all: This post is going to be long. And I apologise for this, but I dont know how to shorten it, I really need to get this off my chest and I hope that some of you might find the time and interest to read this and give me some advice, because I really need it at this point... I wrote a TL:DR further below, but I hope some kind people on here read the full thing and tell me their opinion.
I want to start with some things about myself: I am male, 19, from Spain, heterosexual and I only had one "serious" relationship until now. Although I new her because we went to school together, she was a stranger for me, who then became a really good friend in a short amount of time and then my girlfriend. After four months, which were a really great time overall, I broke up with her. Why? Because our relationship went in a direction that felt wrong, it got somewhat toxic and basically my girlfriend and I lived seperately at this point (due to our job and free time activities we both had only little time for each other from the start and then she started to give more and more things a higher priority than me).
This was about 1 1/2 years ago. I get a crush on girls quite easily, but there is one girl [20 years old] that I started to fancy already in 2017 (when I wasnt even in the mentioned relationship) and I would say I have a little crush on her since the end of 2018 and this really intensified in the last few months...
She was in Middle School and High School with me, but (mostly) in different classes. We had to work together in a long group task (several weeks) six years ago, after that we never had any contact again. Untill she started to text me about 1 or 2 years ago, to ask me things about my job (we both have the same career wish, but I already had a lot of experience in it because of my freetime activities in this branche). We got along quite well and wanted to visit a play she likes a lot and that I wanted to see for a long time, but it didnt work out due to different reasons from my side (parents, money, time). I then asked her to visit a concert together with me, but it was too spontanous and didnt work out.
We still had loose contact after this from time to time over WhatsApp or Instagram, but never really in school (we only had one class together and she acted as if she wouldnt know me whenever we met most of the time. She asked me for help in the class a few times though and I was happy to help her out).
I am a singer and she complimented me on my voice several times, she even shared videos of me singing on her social media. Then she invited me to her flat for her birthday, but as she lives far from me now and I had to work on this day, I couldnt visit her. I apologised and told her I would like to invite her for dinner or this special play we wanted to see for this long time together and.... she didnt answer.
I wanted to curl up and die, I was overthinking (which I always do, you see it on the length of this post and all the annotations in brackets), I thought maybe I was too intrusive, maybe she invited me by accident, maybe I creeped her out. I decided to play like nothing has happened and commented something she posted some days later, I congratulated her on the day of her birthday. She then apologised for not answering and told me she will answer my messages later when she has time. And I respected that. But no answer was coming.
She visited an event where I was working some time after this. She told me before that she would visit this event on one of the dates it was on, but she told me a later date so I was really surprised when she was there. She told me it was a spontanous decision. Unfortunately she had to go quickly after and I couldnt really talk to her. She posted a picture from the event and I asked her privately how she liked it. No response. A day later I wrote her on Whatsapp how she liked it, and I got a long, really kind response and she told me she loved it.
On the day of her party, I wished her a nice party. And right after I hit send, I was regretting it. "You are too intrusive", was what I thought. She thanked me and told me she is really busy at the moment and feels sorry for not answering my messages, but just doesnt find the time to do so right now. I told her she shouldnt stress herself because of me and that all is good. A lie, because I continued to overthink and got frustrated.
Then there was the moment that lightened my day: She asked me to visit a concert with her. And I said yes, but also told her that my friends asked me some time ago so they might be there too. I didnt really want to tell her this, but as I know she didnt get along too good with our old school mates I felt like I should tell her beforehand.
When the date was getting nearer I asked her what time the concert starts and she send me the advertisement for it. I was confused because I was expecting something like "Lets meet at XX". So I asked if she would go or not, and she said: "Yes."
What the hell? I think I never was so nervous when visiting a concert in my life. On my way there I asked my friends if they are there and they told me they would be late. Great. "I am going to be alone at a concert I dont really care about and just wanted to visit because of her", was what I thought.
I luckily met some old school mates and talked a bit with them and wasnt alone, until then my friends texted me in the middle of the concert and I met them. In the break, the girl with a (girl)friend of her passed us and we only exchanged a (She:) "Hey, how are you?" (Me:)"Good, you?" (She:)"Yeah. I have to go over there now, sorry, she wants to talk to XX". And I was thinking "Fuck you." She didnt visit the concert with me, but with a friend and now she hasnt even time to talk to me?
When the concert was over, we remained seated and talked, when she came to me and sat down beside me. She said she had to go away with her friend when we met earlier and that her friend just left. And we started to talk, about what she is doing, what I am doing, about our career wishes, school, friends. It was a nice chat, not too long nor too detailed, but our first longer real-life conversation as I realized just then. We laughed together, remembered some old things like our group work. I was so nervous the whole time, but when I saw her smile I forgot about all the frustration I had because of her. But then we had to leave and when my friend took ages to get his things together she said goodbye and left a few minutes before we also left.
And this is where I am now. I really like her and I was so happy after our conversation that evening, but I realized we dont know each other too well and I am totally confused about what she thinks of me. On the one hand she was the one who started the contact two years ago, she asked me to go to the play with her at this time, she invited me to her birthday, she asked me out to the concert, she answered me in long responses on WhatsApp and we had a nice talk at the concert. I know how silly this is, but she also only followed 25 people on her facebook and I am one of them, and one of the only men (except celebrities). On the other hand though, she didnt respond to a lot of my messages in the past, she didnt not accept my offer for dinner or the play, she didnt visit the concert together with me, she stopped the conversation when her friend was next to her. And sorry, but if I really want to answer someone or talk to someone, I usually find time, especially in a few days or weeks.
So here am I. A chronical overthinker, who cant get this girl out of his mind and who is inexperienced and insecure (I am also not a model-kind of guy, I am clean and I think I am generally okay-looking, but I am overweight) about what she thinks and feels and where our relationship is at (is it even a friendship or not even that?) and where it could go.
I wrote a post like this a few times before and always deleted it before posting. I am also afraid someone I know could find this. But I as mentioned before I am thinking too much about her and I am also at a point where I feel lonely quite often... I really crave a partner, I crave the exchange of thoughts, deep conversations, laughing together, doing stuff together, cuddling... And I feel like she could be the one. When I see her smile I feel this tickling feeling, this nervousness and happiness at the same time.
My questions for the glorious people who read this far (thank you!):
I am just confused of her behaviour... What do you think she feels / thinks of me and the situation? Why is her behaviour so ambivalent?
Its Christmas now, New Year soon. Should I wish her a Merry Christmas? Should I wish her a Happy New Year? Or should I not message her anymore?
The play we wanted to visit TOGETHER (she has already seen it often) since two years is only on till Februar. And I am frustrated of the whole situation right now. So my most important and final question is: Should I remind her of my invitation / ask her out again or should I stop? I asked someone in a different subreddit a while ago and she said I should move on, cause she thinks that she plays with me...
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TL;DR :
I [M,19] have a crush on a girl [F,20] since two years. She was the one who contacted me first and we have similar interests and career wishes. I messaged her several times, sometimes she answered and some times she didnt. She invited me for her birthday, I couldnt come, but I invited her for dinner or to visit a theatre play she likes a lot, but she didnt answer. She apologised for not answering and told me she had busy days at the moment. She surprised me at my work (event branche), but didnt answer at first when I asked her on WhatsApp the next day how she liked. After asking again she wrote a long message on how much she loved it. Then she invited me to a concert, but then we didnt go together because of some strange circumstances, she at first had no time for me when we met at the concert, later we had a really long and nice conversation. When I see her smile I forget about all the frustratiom she caused, but I dont know where we are at and what to do now. Why is she behaving so strangely? Am I too intrusive? Should I just ask her out again? ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Thank you for reading and I am grateful for any advice.
I wish you all merry christmas and already a good start in 2020.
Best regards,
Michael
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