Hi I’m 27f here . Had a pretty bad experience with the first guy I dated. He was emotionally and sexually abusive . Got over him slowly , healed over a year . Started dating a nice guy as a rebound , never really loved him but stayed with him for 6 years now . I love him dearly but as a friend not like a lover , it makes me feel bad that I can’t experience the exciting love I want to experience . He is nice and caring but workaholic and not an iota of romance . Recently moved to another country , no family, no friends here just coworkers . Another guy approached me which ended up me cheating on my bf because this seemed something I wanted . He seemed to be the confident, witty, outgoing guy I wanted but he does not care much about me the way I want to . He says this is because he knows I have a boyfriend and it hurts him . I feel like I’m using him as well just for my loneliness but sometimes I feel I love him and sometimes don’t. But I crave his attention and time everyday . I don’t know if I’m incapable of loving anyone really . I was not someone who would cheat but I did . If I leave my boyfriend and be with someone else maybe after a few years I will cheat on them too. I don’t even feel like talking to my old friends and family back home - which makes me suspicious can I love anyone at all?
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