So I'm fairly young- haven't quite figured out how to get relationships to stick properly (two years is my record!), but I've always had no shortage of dates.
*How to get a date: *
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go to a new social group - could be a party, boardgames meetup, surfing club, whatever. Talk to everyone.
*Don't just go for the specific purpose of finding a date - you'll have a way better chance if you're having a genuinely good time.
- New social group is important ! Dating is a numbers game- if you go to a party and chat to everyone someone is going to like you.
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if you find someone you vibe with, great ! You've probably got a common interest. Get their FB/insta/Snapchat/number and next day ask them to do that. Make sure you mention a time and a place: E.g. "Hey, nice to meet you yesterday ! You mentioned you like the kooks- want to go check out this garage band I found next Wednesday?"
- I tend to be even more bold- my current boyfriend I just asked if he wanted to go out sometime.
now this is important if they say "sorry I'm busy" or "sorry can't make it" that means no ! And that's fine. If they're actually busy they'll set up another day to see you. don't force the issue- if they're keen they'll reach out.
Oh god I got the date ! Now what ??
Go and have fun! Remember, dating is just a screening process to see if you like the person. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. Every person is different ! I reccomend:
*Doing an activity based date- it gets awkward when it's just dinner. Ice skating, bush walking, pottery classes. All great date ideas.
*I like coffee more than drinks for a first date but that's just a personal preference. Something low key is always easiest !
*Ask your date tonnes of questions about themselves - if you get nervous prepare a list. Just make sure to ask follow up questions. - if the conversation isn't flowing well, relax, it happens ! Let the silence exist for a bit. You guys are just getting to know each other.
On tinder
I personally absolutely hate tinder. I find after a certain time period it erodes my self esteem. But I do know some successful relationships that came out of it.
*For men, dating apps are awful. Expect to be ghosted by flaky women a lot and don't be too surprised. This may help
*For women, dating apps are awful, I'd recommend being upfront about what you want. It's totally cool if you don't want something casual, but Johnny mcGiveMeUrSnapchat is probably not looking for it.
- personal red flag of mine is them bringing up sex straight off the bat.
General advice
I, like every other early 20s human being have spent a lot of time chasing after people who could not care less. My rule for myself is as soon as I start angsting over some boy I ask them out ! I've been rejected, but also has ended up working out for me. Worst case scenario is they say no and it's awkward for a bit, and best case scenario is they say yes.
I believe clarification is super important. If you want to date exclusively say so . If your new beau freaks the hell out at you desiring something so insane he's not for you!
I too have wasted time trying to convince someone who did not want to be convinced. When you start dating someone it should be easy. Right at the start they're on their best behaviour- if there's a tonne of drama, they're ghosting you, skittish about 'what are we' talks, being hot and cold- they are not for you. They're just not terribly interested.
Anyways good luck ! Hope this helps someone
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