Okay. I’m (24f)going to start off by saying that I know how long we knew each other was short and he’s a total ass, which has made being hung up on him (25m) SO frustrating. Also I’m a Chatty Cathy so this is going to be a NOVEL.
Background: I matched with this guy on bumble. Conversation was pretty good, I talked about how my favorite show was big mouth, and I loved the dark knight (among other topics). He verbatim was “overwhelmed” by this fact and said he for sure had to meet me. Our banter was solid, and so were the memes- so a date was scheduled a week and a half later. We go on our date (a Friday). He picked this really nice tapas place downtown. We ended up staying there for over 5 hours and closed the place down. He payed for everything (and there were a lot of drinks). I protested, but he said he asked me out and wanted to treat me. We walked around after and ended up going to his place. I went up to his place and we talked for a bit and ended up making out. At this point it was maybe 3 or 4 am and I had a work thing at 830am the next day so I left. And we said we would try for Saturday night. In total we spent 6.5 hours together. And Im genuinely not trying to sound like some love struck high school girl, but I had never met someone I had instantly gotten along with so well. Not even my ex or any of the other guys I’ve briefly dated.
He ended up having plans which I figured would go later than he thought so I pushed our second date to Sunday evening. We went to another bar. A few drinks in I joked and asked what he told his friends about me, and he got pretty honest and real. He told me he had such a good time Friday that it didn’t even feel like 6.5 hours, and I was super funny, charming, really cute, got him to hang out with me more than his own friend and (After I joked my eyes were my winning feature) he said my smile is what gets him. I was obviously really taken aback by someone being so upfront and he seemed so genuine (I’m the first person to call out bs). At one point we both were leaning on super close to eachother and he says he’s been dying to do this all night and holds my chin with his thumb and finger and kisses me. We also had this running joke that I had to “earn” a home cooked “Michelin star” meal from him (he loves to cook) and he’d have to earn a ukulele serenade from me. Close to the end of our date I asked if I had earned that meal and he said I definitely had. We talked about a lot of stuff, parents, life goals, exes (he broke up with his last girlfriend of over a year who was 7 years older and was even willing to freeze her eggs for him in the fall ish). After being there for like 5 hours he paid the bill AGAIN even though o tried to put my card down. We ended up going back to his again and hooked up. The sex was decent considering it was our first time. Not gonna lie, by the 5th round we got a bit rougher and kinkier(which I had asked for). Anyways, I called an Uber home and he offered to drive me but i declined. All in all another 6.5 hours together.
We texted a bit during the week. So on Thursday I cheekily asked him on a date by asking when I should expect that Michelin star meal invite. Instead he swerved the topic and ghosted.
I wasn’t sad, just really confused and felt so disrespected. I don’t do “games” couldn’t even tell you how to play them if I wanted to. My thought is If you like me you like me. I’m not going to chase someone who isn’t interested in showing me said interest. THEN three weeks or so later he randomly messaged me on a Sunday night when my hometown won the grey cup. We exchanged a few messages, and while I wasn’t my normal bubbly Chatty Cathy self on text, I wasn’t super dry. He asked about my work and I mentioned being approached about a job and when I corrected him on what the company did, his response was “ wow tough crown today”. Then this conversation ensues:
ME: lol sorry it’s been a long day
HIM: just tell me to each shit. It’s easier
ME: wait what?
HIM: never seen a joke fly over someone’s head
ME: yikes
HIM: yikes is right
ME (trying to de-escalate things): alright this is why you gotta use emojis with me (insert emoji with wiggly mouth and wonky eyes)
Exchanged a couple more messages and then said goodnight.
At this point I’m just so confused. He got mad that I was borderline dry (although my friends have all said my messages weren’t dry they just weren’t my normal way of texting) post him ghosting me after I asked him out again. The convo got tense so I bring it down. And to throw him a bone and show I’m down to still talk if he’s interested I sent him a meme on insta a few days later. Then nothing again... minus the time I accidentally sent him a photo of something related to work that was meant for my sister (we work together and they both have similar names hence accidentally hitting his name). He responded but I didn’t want to seem like I was trying to reach out so I didn’t reply. So it’s another month later and it’s been radio silence.
Here’s the thing. I know if he was interested in me he’d reach out. It shoulnt be this complicated. I also realize he probably just wanted a hookup. But what I don’t understand is why bother paying both time when I tried to pay my share or the whole bill the second time. Like there’s cheaper ways to get a hookup. Also there’s girls you don’t have to spend so much time with to have sex with. He’s a good looking, charming guy,
Has a good job, makes good money- it’s not hard for him to find a girl who wants to sleep with him. Also Why reach out again?
And I can tell when there is and isn’t chemistry/a genuine connection with someone (I’m crazy but not that type of crazy), and we had alot chemistry. Like more than my ex and I did on our first date (who was also a bumble date). I’ve been on dates since, even slept with other guys. But he’s the only one I wanted to see where it goes. He checked a lot of boxes for me, you know minus the fact he’s not actually interested. And majority of me is just so annoyed at the situation that I’m really over it, but for some reason I cannot get over this guy. Like I check every story to see if he’s watched it. I even fucking checked his dating profile again today, not sure why (Insert shrug emojj). All I learnt was that he edited his profile a bit and is currently using it while he’s back in his hometown... This is how hung up I am on a guy that doesn’t even show me the time of day. And it’s super annoying. I’ve been ghosted before by a guy I was sort of friends with and got set up on a blind date with (it was just one date and months later I found out he was in love with a mutual friend). But I got over that after a few weeks. Am I hung up on him because we slept together? How do I get over him? I’ve gone on dates with other guys. Slept with this guy who is actually putting in effort and planned this date where we made homemade pasta together and I’m still lukewarm about him. Like have another first date scheduled for next weekend even. But I keep thinking about this ghost. IM BEING HAUNTED AND ITS MY OWN BRAIN CONTACTING THIS SPIRIT
Apologies for the novel. I think I just needed to unload and my friends are probably sick of me bring up his name. Anyways. Any advice to get over someone you didn’t actually date but are super hung up about would be appreciated.
TLDR: went on two 6.5 hour dates with a guy. He said I was incredibly funny, charming, cute etc. I had never met someone I had really good chemistry with. Slept with him. Somehow read the situation wrong ,was bamboozled and have now been ghosted. And I can't figure out why or get over him.
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