Pretty much title, it’s hard to feel like I’m ever going to be worth somebody investing in. I’ve lost 80 pounds, I go to college, I’ve held down a job, I have decent clothes, and people enjoy being around me but none of this has ever helped me. I have had tinder for 8 months and obviously I haven’t been very active lately but still yet I have had 0 dates and like 6 matches in that time. Girls that I’m friends with don’t want me either, Anything beyond a platonic friendship isn’t possible.
I don’t blame women for not wanting me and I don’t really feel bitter or angry about it, I wouldn’t want me either. I’ve realized that I have nothing to offer anyone that would make them want me in a relationship. Im so fucking ugly that I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, my mom and sister both told me that I’m a solid 2/10 and I have always been the center of jokes regarding my appearance.
My therapist asked me to try and find something that I’m grateful for about myself and I can’t do it. I hate everything about myself and I can’t find a single redeeming trait. Literally the only thing I’ve thought of is that I can grow facial hair and that’s only because it helps me hide half of my face.
I can’t cope with being alone for the rest of my life, I feel like I have no future. The only thing that feels realistic to me is dying in the next couple of years. I know that sounds dramatic but any other expectation just feels disingenuous to me. I don’t see myself ever developing some compelling reason to live. What’s the point of putting in effort anymore when I know that no matter what I do I will never have somebody to come home to share my life with?
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