My issue is basically I am stuck in a cycle of depressed bc no love life and no love life bc depression and I don’t know if trying to break out of that is a good idea or not.
I’m 21 + trans male, and I have a fair amount of shit going on, but I also am actively working on fixing it. I’m trying to push my mental health issues to the side and analyse myself and my current mental state as accurately as I can, but I would really appreciate some input from non biased parties about whether I’m ready to throw myself into trying to live my life the way I want to.
I am currently: - Living with my parents- family are also lowkey emotionally abusive and do not accept my identity at all. - No job, though I was actively searching before Covid 19 happened and plan to resume once life returns to normal - Don’t drive, not do I have good public transport where I’m at - Anxious, depressed, autistic, god knows what else. My depression is a really severe, struggle to get out of bed some days, suicidal thoughts regularly, barely functioning as a person some times sort. - In terms of transitioning I am pre-everything. I plan to take testosterone as soon as it’s a possibility but am unsure on surgery. - I may or may not be asexual? And honestly this is my main driving force for wanting to get out there and date people because I know I feel romantic attraction but sex is a tricky subject for me and I would really like a partner I trust to explore it a little more with.
So I have some Stuff going on, and I’m nervous about trying to date since I feel like this sort of stuff is pretty unappealing to potential partners or straight up might mean I’m not ready. I definitely do not have my shit completely together. But on the plus side:
- I am very driven to fix my situation, just met the unfortunate road block of a worldwide pandemic.
- I’m a digital artist, and I do commissions occasionally so I do have a little bit of cash. Not enough to live off but I’m not a dead weight and trying to work where I can until I can get an actual job.
- I am actively working to recover from my mental health issues or at least learn to manage them. I am medicated for depression and anxiety, am probably going to be starting therapy once the world starts to return to normal, and whilst I feel like having a romantic partner would help me take steps towards recovery, I absolutely do not expect nor need a potential partner to solve my issues.
- I feel like I do still have a lot to offer even despite the emotional baggage. My friends tell me I have a great, if weird, sense of humour, I’ve also been told I’m a very positive and uplifting person to be around. I’m a good listener and love just sitting and listening to other people share their interests or things that are important to them. I’m very physically affectionate which could go either way but I feel like is a plus in a romantic relationship? I feel like I could be a good boyfriend to someone if I could only find the confidence to put myself out there.
I would just. appreciate some guidance. Do you think I’m ready to give this a shot and stop letting depression and bad circumstances control my life? And any advice, specific to my situation or general would be really useful right now.
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