Im starting to realize I’ve never been in love and most likely never loved someone I dated and that scares me. All this time I thought just because I’ve found a partner that’s cute and into me and I possibly would able to tolerate them for a long time it meant I was in love with them. I even forced the thought of “being able to tolerate them for a long time” in some relationships. I would spend nights thinking up the actual image in my head of me getting old with them and I kept doing it so I could see the “happiness” in that picture but I never saw real happiness. I always wondered why when the person I’m with said something minor that annoyed me or I disagreed with I automatically started thinking about breaking up and basically prepared myself for it to end. Now ik it’s because I wasn’t in love. I feel guilty for ever saying I was to my ex’s. Now I’m in a relationship that’s fairly new and idk what to do. Like if I should leave them alone or learn to love them and try to fall in love :( idek if I’m capable of doing that.
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