I (25F) joined a popular dating site a few months ago. I talked to some men but had no dates until I matched with a guy I will call James (30M). His profile was nice, he had attractive pictures plus we got on great, and have many similar interests. He is really sweet and super funny. Personality-wise, he’s perfect. So I agreed to go on a date after a couple weeks of texting.
Here’s where I’m not sure if I’m seeing red flags or if I just have high expectations. First, he was a little heavier than he was in his profile pictures, maybe 20lbs. We had FaceTimed but maybe he just knows his angles? I brushed it off because plenty of people have gained the covid “19” lol I still found him attractive so it wasn’t that big of a deal. Then found out that the career he listed on his profile is not actually what he’s doing...he is currently looking for unpaid internships in the field. He talked about his work like he was actually employed, not just doing small projects and applying for internships. His college degree is in a different field than what he is currently pursuing (not that there is anything wrong with switching careers, but I know it’s a lot harder to break into an industry with no formal education). He is working part-time retail as his income source. Which goes on to the next issue...he is living with his parents, which he says is because he ended his previous relationship and moved out of their apartment as covid was starting and didn’t want to worry about finding a new place. He also drives a car that is nearly falling apart. He says he’s doing this to save money, which I don’t doubt, but at 30, I find it to be a bit concerning that he can’t find money to fix his car when he doesn’t seem to have any other financial responsibilities.
I am employed full time in a lucrative career, rent a nice apartment (that I moved into during covid, although it was delayed a couple of months), and own a decent car, so I’m not expecting him to have more than what I am able to provide myself. I’m not sure if I’m being shallow by being put off by the financial aspects of his situation, especially because we did have a good time together. The date actually went pretty well and I did kiss him goodnight, but now I’m second-guessing continuing to see him. I feel like he waited until our date to reveal information that would’ve make me rethink pursuing a relationship.
Are these red flags? Or do I just have high expectations? I know covid has upended many people’s lives and careers so I’m not sure if I’m being unrealistic because I haven’t been affected physically or financially.
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