when i was 16, my parents had a messy divorce that left me pretty skeptical of marriage. shortly after this, i met my first “real” girlfriend at 17, we dated for a year and a half and for probably the first half of our relationship, it was great. the relationship, however, probably should have ended much sooner, but we were both scared, and we both cheated on each other. i still feel absolutely awful about what i did to her. my father had an affair and i watched it destroy my mother. its absolutely gutting to know that i caused that kind of emotional trauma on my ex, and not a days gone by that i havent thought about it. these events have left me feeling like i cant get close to people, or, that i shouldnt get close to people. its affected my friendships (ive gone from a 12-guy group of friends to 2 friends that i very rarely see), meeting new people: any time im talking to a girl and she expresses feelings, it almost repulses me, it makes me unattracted to them (which i think is just a defence mechanism). im beginning to think that this might be a serious issue, but i really have no idea. i almost feel like if i track down my ex and ask her to forgive me that that would make this all go away, but i dont know.
just looking for any potential advice/insight people may have to help this issue, or if theres really any issue to worry about at all...thanks
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