Just a few weeks prior he (M 21, my boyfriend) had brought up how things feel different with me (F 20) than any prior relationship he’s ever had. He told me he has been thinking about it and likes the idea of us getting married. He wanted me there with him more. Things had been going great. Plenty of dates since, we’ve been happy. I was supposed to go with him to meet his family on Christmas. His parents bought me a gift, my parents bought him one. He and I chose gifts for both of our moms. I put a lot of time and thought into his Christmas gift, myself. I love him more than any human I’ve had in my life. We connect on a level I’ve never felt before. Of course we’ve disagreed on stuff before. We’ve annoyed each other some times. However he likes to call me out of the blue just to hear my voice occasionally when he’s on break at work, or while visiting his parents. He loves coming over and just spending time with me. We love each other, or so I thought.
We got into an argument over depression/PTSD validity in my life. I was diagnosed at 17, was sexually assaulted, mentally and verbally abused by my mom from age 12, and had a shut ton of stress from age 16 and up after my grandfather died and was a caregiver for my grandmother. I have PTSD. And sometimes the depressive symptoms come back. It’s been back for a few weeks now, but nearly as bad as it was originally. It’s back because yesterday was the year anniversary of my adoptive grandfathers death. Well my ex had a conversation with me two days ago over lunch, he wants me to get back into the groove of things. Wants me to find things to be passionate about again. We went to get a Christmas tree later that day Bc I had been procrastinating. He chose most of the ornaments. It was fun to do together, him walking around holding my purse for me while I color schemed. That night while we laid together I said I was ready to do things I needed to do, even though I don’t have the motivation to say it’s for me because of depression- I’ll do it for him to start off. Because I love him and I want our relationship to be successful. He flat out told me “no. That not enough”. He told me my depression isn’t real, and that my PTSD isn’t a valid form at all. He’s been working in the covid unit at the hospital he works in and has been speaking about how he has maybe begun to get PTSD over it. I’ve been supportive because I know it’s hard. I disagree with his opinion of me.
I sent him a message the next night (he’s a night shifter and I couldn’t sleep at all) explaining my opinion and training with mental diseases. How they’re very real and it’s bullshit to say they don’t exist in my case. He simply replied that he isn’t going to change his opinion on it. I’m still stunned. Eventually as the conversation went on he suggested breaking up out of the blue because in his own words “I’m not going to back down”. I said it’s silly to break up over this kind of argument. However a few hours later into the day he dumps me. Says it’s over and that all the times he said he loved me were only moments and why should they matter?
I’m broken over this. I’m not sure how to handle it because his mom loves me. His family was so excited to meet me, and vice versa. My family loves him. I feel so horrible right now, rather lost... I love this man so much with all of my heart and fucking soul, what the hell did I do that was so bad? Do I deserve this?
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