So I’ve (21f) been seeing a guy (23m) for a few weeks and we were having tons of fun. He took me on real dates and always insisted on paying which I think is so sweet. We loved talking to each other and laughing and doing dumb shit. He was always super physically affectionate and cuddly. We’d lay in bed and kiss and cuddle for hours and he always insisted that he didn’t expect sex which I really appreciated. It seemed like we were genuinely getting to know each other and dating. He had expressed some caution about committing to someone because he was still recovering from a bad relationship and he might get a job that’d require him to move an hour away in a couple months. I’m also fresh out of a really shitty relationship so I felt the same caution so I didn’t mind. I also don’t mind the idea of being serious with someone who lives an hour away so I just thought we’d see where it goes and decide at the time if/when he moved.
Here’s where I’m confused though. Yesterday we finally had sex and it didn’t go well. I really didn’t like it. I’ve slept with a handful of people in my life and I’ve never had someone do it how he did. I personally prefer sex to be like a hug where it’s really close and intimate (especially my first time sleeping with someone). He wouldn’t come close to me during though. He was doing that position where he was on his knees and he put my legs up on his shoulders. I kept trying to pull him closer to me to kiss or hug him but it just didn’t happen and it didn’t seem like he knew what I wanted. That position is kinda painful for me and I just really didn’t like it. Afterwards we both were unhappy with how it went and I told him the sex felt really impersonal and that I didn’t enjoy it. He told me that he didn’t want to have super close intimate sex because that’s how he gets attached to people and he didn’t want to become attached. I really didn’t understand that at all because we’ve spent the last couple weeks getting to know each other, cuddling, talking, having tons of fun. If he wanted a purely sexual relationship, why did he take me out so much and emphasize that there was no pressure to have sex?
I was kind of upset but after everything we dropped the topic. We ended up just laying on the couch watching a movie. I felt bad because things were tense and I was super disappointed with how things went because I had really liked him. I knew we weren’t definitely going to be in a serious relationship but I didn’t know he was intentionally avoiding bonding with me. After about an hour, I asked if we could reset and try again with me in control and he agreed. So we had sex that at least physically felt better and by the end of the night just agreed to be friends with benefits and I went home. I’m really confused about what’s happening or why he bothered dating me. The change in tone between the last time I saw him and last night is insane. The time before we had sex, we’d gone to see a movie and spent the whole time talking and laughing in the empty theater, we went out to dinner and had a blast, then we went home and spent hours cuddling and making out and talking. He told me numerous times that he really liked me and enjoyed holding me and talking to me. So I don’t get what happened that made it so he suddenly couldn’t hold me during/after sex or be intimate with me. Does anyone have any guess on what’s going on?
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