2020 was an emotionally draining year for me all together. I don’t really get out the house anymore and have had a lot of failures and setbacks. I don’t want to go into detail, but I additionally had an experience that was slightly traumatic for me that has hurt me a lot. I’m definitely going through a bit of a depression and I’m not coping well.
At the start of the pandemic, I started talking with this girl that I’d seen in passing at my college. We matched on bumble and had a good conversation. Then we exchanged contact information and communicated every day from March to September (My school is in Connecticut and I live in SF so I couldn’t hang out with her in person). We even would sometimes FaceTime for hours. I normally wouldn’t do this, but it was a pandemic and I didn’t see much harm in it. Plus I liked talking to her. And I thought she felt the same way because she told me so. She would tell me how she couldn’t wait to me and whatever. I definitely felt as much as a connection as you could given the medium of communication.
Once again, this is a really peculiar situation, but once again, covid.
Anyways come September, I’m finally back at college and I ask her to hang out. I didn’t think the date went all that bad. I was pretty depressed during that time so my nerves were acting up, but I don’t think any of the mistakes I might’ve made were unforgivable. At the end I ask her if she wants to hang out again and she gave me an emphatic yes and implied that she wanted to go on more dates.
Anyway, so the next day I sent her a text and I noticed that she took a really long time to respond. This kept happening. I didn’t panic. I simply just backed off and gave her space. However, a week later I asked her if she was still interested. She said that she was really into me, but she had family and personal issues on top of school pressures so she didn’t think that she would be able to handle a relationship. I told her it was fine and wished her the best of luck. I did, which might’ve been a bad idea, reach out to her like two weeks later just to ask if I had done something wrong, but she doubled down on her original reason. So I left it at that and haven’t said anything sense.
Maybe she does have a legitimate reason but I just find the timing really odd. My pessimistic mind makes me feel like I wasn’t what she wanted when she finally met me IRL. I’m just sad because it was really sudden and I wasn’t given much of an explanation (which she isn’t obligated to give me of course). I’ve just been rejected and have failed a lot this year and it really hurt that I was so bad in person that she didn’t even want to give someone who’d she had been talking to for months another chance.
I just don’t know why I’m so sad. This type of stuff always happens to me. Was it that I really liked her? Is it because it just kinda reinforces my lowering opinion that I’ve been having of myself recently. Am I not good enough? Idk what to think. I’m just still pretty sad about everything that took place on top of what I’ve been going through. Can anybody provide me some perspective?
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