My fiance (29M) and I (27F) have been together 5 years now. We have a generally healthy sex life, I can get it whenever I'd like. I have no reason to not trust him. In fact he's very trustworthy and honest and wonderful. Porn for me is normal, natural, whatever. I do it myself on occasion. Okay so here's where my trouble comes in.... logically I don't care about him watching porn. Emotionally it shreds my heart and self esteem SO BAD. So early on in the relationship, we talked about how it makes me feel. He cut way back for me! I very much appreciated this. I still found myself checking his history constantly. (He knows I did and let me.) After a few years, I calmed down about it all. I thought I was completely over it and didn't care anymore. So when we found out we were pregnant in Nov2020, I told him he could have his porn back because being parents is stressful and I didn't want him to resent me for not letting him have porn while simultaneously not having a great sex life anymore (due to feeling like crap while pregnant and in the future having a baby.) A day later I walk in on him watching porn. It fucking killed me! I wanted to be violent. So I just left the house. Now I seem like a psycho because I said he could and then freaked out when he did. I FEEL like a psycho. This isn't fair to him at all. 😔
WHY CANT I GET OVER THIS STUPID THING? Logically I don't care but emotionally I'm a fricken immature child about it! Help me! I don't want to care anymore, it's so dumb! 😭 What is wrong with me??
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