Read this if you constantly think & worry about dating

• All living creatures are good at anticipating and avoiding threat in order to survive. This protective mechanism is hard wired within us all. Couple this with the human ability to think a lot, and we find that the human mind seems to have a default setting to look for, pay attention to and repetitively think about bad stuff.

This results in our threat system being active and in overdrive a lot.

No longer are we in caveman times where the presence of a sabre tooth tiger is the type of thing that triggers our threat system. In today’s society, small mistakes or perceived flaws in our abilities, appearance, social skills, etc, are all seen as threats.

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• These sorts of things are seen as risks to our reputation, social status, relationships, career, finances, health, future or happiness. So our threat system seems to be on high alert for many of us most of the time, always on the lookout for potential dangers in order to protect ourselves.

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When active the threat system leads to emotional responses such as anxiety, anger, or depression. These emotions are all about motivating us to protect ourselves, with anger prompting us to confront and defeat danger, anxiety prompting us to shy away from danger, and depression prompting us to shut down from danger.

As such, the threat system also generates corresponding behavioural responses such as to ‘fight’ (i.e., aggression), ‘flight’ (i.e., avoidance) or ‘freeze’ (i.e., being submissive or passive). When we are in threat mode our thinking becomes very narrow and negative.

Our mind doesn’t seem to budge easily from its narrow negative focus when it is in this state. It is very difficult to think in balanced, reasonable, rationale ways when in threat mode, as this requires quite sophisticated thinking by our brain.

Conclusion: The next time you start to worry about dating, it is most likely just a reaction to a perceived threat. When I ask someone out and get rejected, I see that as a small mistake in my abilities so my body goes into threat mode.

The way to avoid this is, the next time you feel a trigger of your threat system, try taking some deep breaths and be compassionate to yourself. The trigger isn't a real threat and it is normal to feel the way you do. Try to activate your soothing system instead of the threat system.

submitted by /u/Temporary-Round1864
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