Sorry this is really long there is a tldr at the end, but I’ve been friends with this girl for a while now. I met her through my roommate (who is one of my closest friends). She comes over a lot to hang out with us, so I’ve spent a lot of time hanging out with her and getting to know her. I don’t know if it’s me being hopeful or not because I like her but I feel like she’s sent a lot of signals that she likes me back, but also a lot of signals that she doesn’t.
Towards the beginning of my friendship with her she immediately asked for my snap and when she would come over to visit my roommate she would always come in my room at some point and hangout with me for a bit. She also at one point called me beautiful. I didn’t really know her very well at this point but I thought that her asking for my snap and kind of going out of her way to get to know me may be a signal. She also got jealous when someone jokingly called a gal pal of mine my girlfriend. Also, we talked about going on a late night beach drive at some point together. I kind of started to like her at this point and thought I could go for it, but my roommate wasn’t happy about the situation so I kind of backed off. He doesn’t like people dating his friends. I’ve confronted him since and we’ve talked it out, but at first I was hesitant. I heard from someone that he told her that he would feel very uncomfortable if we dated, so I’m not sure if that influenced anything but maybe. I tried snapping her after my roommate said that and she would respond once but the conversations would end quickly. That kind of made me think she must not be interested despite the other signals, or maybe what my roommate said convinced her to turn away. However, one time when I was away from home and she came over she snapped me, “How come you’re never here when I’m here.” and I responded with “Hold up I’ll be there in 30.” because I was coming back anyway, and she said “Aww your breaking my heart.” I thought that was a bit flirty but like I said it could just be me being hopeful.
Later at one point, she came over for Halloween and we all had some fun. My friends jokingly brought up how they want to help me get a girlfriend to which she responded “I don’t want to help him get with someone because I want to be with him.” She also said later, “If anyone’s going to be staying in that room (pointing to my room) it’s going to be me.” Throughout the night as well she kept holding onto me. She also at one point handed me her phone and told me to put my number in it (she doesn’t have anyone’s numbers saved for some reason, so I’m the only one in there). Then at the end of the night she asked me to go for a walk back to my apartment because we ended up walking outside at some point. We were walking back to the apartment and she told me she was going to hook up with some guy she had been talking to for a while that same night. She told me she needed someone to make sure everything was okay because she hadn’t hooked up with him before. At this point, I was extremely confused. She seemed very defiant that she wanted to do it. I wanted her to be safe, so I told her I would make sure everything was okay. So she sent me her location and told me she would send me his drivers license later which is what she said she wanted. I told her I’d be up for a while if she needed anything. This is a huge sign to me that she just sees me platonically because I’m not really sure why you would ask a person you like to help you hook up with someone despite all the other signals that night. She stayed the night there but came back the next morning and said she didn’t end up hooking up with him. It seemed like she didn’t want to talk about it as well and that she regretted it.
Then after that night I didn’t see her for a while. A whole month she never came over a single time. Never sent me a message. Nothing. When she came over to hang out it seemed like things had changed. She told me she liked this guy at work. That’s when I thought that I should move on from the crush, so I tried to think of her as purely a friend with no potential of anything else. I tried joining tinder and talking to girls on there but I just found myself thinking about her. I deleted it a week later because I didn’t think it was fair to the girls I was talking to if I wasn’t even interested from the beginning. I just thought I’d have to get over her by waiting it out. I never did though. She’d keep coming over to hang out and I’d still feel the same way. She kept talking about the guy she liked and my roommate still felt uncomfortable at this point with me pursuing anything, and I was worried if I expressed my feelings and she felt awkward it would affect our friendship, so I kept trying to move on. It just didn’t work I still liked her. She’d send me little signals here and there but nothing noteworthy and honestly it could’ve just been hopeful thinking on my part. It was mostly just kind of bully flirting if anything. She would playfully hit me, tease me, and bully me this had been continuous. Eventually she said she had moved on from the guy because he was moving away and she didn’t see it going anywhere.
Then we all went on a trip together 5 people my roommate, 2 friends, me, and her to a cabin in the mountains. We stayed there for a week and we all had a really good time. Then we had to drive back home for 10 hours in 2 cars. My friend (not the roommate) and I decided to extend the trip and go stay at his aunts house in Atlanta and then eventually go to his families beach house in Florida. Make it a road trip. I asked her if she wanted to join us and she said yes. We were on break for school so we had time. We stayed in Atlanta at my friends aunts farm house. We visited the aquarium together and ate soul food. She asked if she could use my sweater at one point and said she wanted to keep it so she could wash it when she got home. We went to Florida next and stayed at the beach house for a bit and the three of us had a good time taking walks at night on the beach. At one point it was cold when we were standing on the beach at night so she got close and cuddled me. She made food for us one night and I made food another night. We sat out on the roof and looked at the stars it was pretty amazing. We went home in the end and started back at school. The whole extended trip I felt like she sent me signals with the cuddling, the sweater, she even opened up about what she wants to do in life and with her future husband, she made me dinner, and even the fact that she chose to go with me on a road trip felt like a signal. Although it could all just be platonic. The only way I’ll know is by asking.
We’ve all been busy but she still comes over and hangs out with us. She’s continued to bully me and playfully tease me ect. Then as of today I learned she’s going on a date with someone. That’s everything to date.
I know a lot of this is my fault for waiting. I should’ve just said screw it and went for it despite everything. My friends pushed back and said I shouldn’t do it when I told them about it. Especially my roommate who felt uncomfortable by it. Another friend told me that I shouldn’t be hopeful because he thinks she doesn’t like me in that way. One friend told me I wasn’t experienced enough for her (I’ve only been in a couple other short relationships). She gave me a lot of mixed signals throughout the entire time I’ve known her. For example, talking about other guys, saying stuff like “I don’t date skinny guys” (I’m skinny), or generally just not seeming interested. I also really enjoy her as a friend and I don’t want to ruin the relationship that we already have. I’ve just felt so conflicted and I kept changing my mind on whether I should move on or go for it. In the end, I still like her a lot and I really want to just talk to her and tell her despite it all. I’m frustrated with myself for not just doing it already. I feel like I won’t be able to move on if I don’t get any closure and I’ll be stuck.
What should I do? I think I should just talk to her about how I feel and that I want to try something more. I want her to be completely honest with me. If she likes me then great. If she doesn’t then great because I can get closure and I can continue to be her friend. I also want her to know that our friendship is important to me and that I want to be friends no matter what the outcome is.
tl;dr I like a girl but I've gotten mixed signals. My friends have said that I shouldn't go for it. I'm her friend and I don't want to ruin our friendship.
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