Hello people, I just have a question regarding a girl who I was seeing and wanted your thoughts.
Hello, I am mainly after a women's point of view, but any help would be much appreciated.
I (26m) recently started talking to a women (23f) a few months ago, and I really started to like her, and I honestly think she's pretty great, which is unusual for me, as I seem to meet a lot of fake people, and this person was very real and genuine I feel. I am naturally a very confident, nice and happy person, but unfortunately around that same time I started to become very anxious (unrelated to her) which made it really hard for me to communicate with her. I would often think the convo was going badly, when in reality it was going fine or quite well. This sucks as over the last year I was (extremely confident) and worked on myself so I wouldn't be nervous.
Anyway, we had met a couple of times, and it was all going smoothly, but on this date, I acted very nervous and acted out like a boy, rather than a confident calm man that I usually am. It pissed me off as I could tell the date didn't go as well as it could have (or as they usually would with me). We didn't talk for the next 2 weeks, however I hit her up, and was surprised she replied. She said she is going out with her friends to an event, and I said I would come. However unfortunately the day of I started to get quite nervous again, and didn't want to be nervous around her again, as that's not who I am, and not who I want people to get to know me as. I messaged a friend of hers who was also going, who is a good friend of mine, and said I couldn't come, but I didn't say anything to the women I was interested in... I said nothing... Nothing at all. I don't know why, for the first time in my life I just didn't know what to do. I am a bloody man for christ sake. That was a month ago.
At the time I thought to myself: "I will just go away for the time being, get myself back to my normal self, get myself right, and then talk to her, and everything will be fine." But now that I am not so nervous anymore, I am starting to see that what I did was 'ghosting'. Like why would anyone want to talk to someone later on down the track, who ghosted them? Thats just rude and immature to ghost someone... But I wasn't trying to be that way. She is a really happy, relaxed and normal person, and those are great qualities and the things I like about her.
I knew IF it was to ever work, I needed to be a confident person again.
She hasn't contacted me since, but I think that's because what I did was technically rude? When it wasn't meant in any malice. She also hasn't unfollowed me on socials, so I can't tell if I am just overreacting or not.
Also I think another bad thing is, I was nervous so I put her on a pedestal.
So my questions are:
- Could what I did be seen as ghosting? Or am I just overreacting?
- Am I better off contacting her now and explaining the situation? ("I wasn't deliberately ghosting, I am not like that, I was just in a tough spot, and trying to do the right thing long term.").
- Or should I just leave it for the time being until I am fully confident and message her then? (Or is that worse, as instead of "ghosting" for a short period, its more like 6 months or something.)
- What do I say, do I just be totally honest?
I am very interested in her, but just feel like I am not ready yet.
I honestly feel like at my best I'd woo her, and we'd have a great time.
I feel like by messaging this strong person, she is going to think I'm weak for what I've done.
But its been a month and I feel like that person would've moved on already.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much everyone, you're all amazing!
TL;DR: I am wanting to speak to a women that I stopped speaking to, just wanting help with how to go about it, and if I should message her now or not.
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