I posted this on relationship advice but stuff gets buried so easily there and I only got one comment that said he was gaslighting me. I really don’t want that to be true and would appreciate any opinions thank you so much.
I’m on mobile so my apologies for how poorly this will probably be written.
My boyfriend and I (23f 24m) have been together since late November 2020 and met in august 2020. We have (I have, I suppose) this recurring issue where I get insecure about female friends and social media in general.
It started before we were together and we had an argument. I thought we were never going to speak again but I missed him so I made the dumb decision to stalk his social media and saw comments on women’s accounts that I didn’t like. I also made the dumb decision to try to block it out of my mind and didn’t remember it until a couple of months into being official.
I only remembered it when he showed me something on his phone and a Snapchat came in with a girl’s name. I tried to brush it off because he’s told me before that he’s always had a lot of friends that are men and women; plus he has a lot of sisters so he’s definitely used to platonic relationships with the opposite sex. Then, a few minutes later, he shows me something else and another Snapchat comes in with a different girl’s name.
This honestly sent my mind into a panic. I all of a sudden remembered a conversation where he told me “you know I think you’re beautiful, you’re not just one of my homegirls I hooked up with or something.” I started wondering how many of his friends he’s hooked up with before.
I brought this up a few days later because I couldn’t shake it and his response was that I should’ve brought up the old comments when I saw them because it’s too late now and he has no idea what I’m talking about. Said that he hypes up his friends and he puts heart eye emojis to everyone and just heart emojis and compliments in general no matter their gender. He also told me that he doesn’t talk to anyone anymore that he ever had anything romantic or sexual with. He said he doesn’t flirt with girls because that’s cheating and he’s genuinely friends with them because he went to college with a lot of them. He told me he has to be on his phone a lot and answer comments and DMs basically all day for his business (he designs clothes, makes them, sells them). He said that even though I comment on how none of his friends know I exist, they do know about me and he’s told them that he has a girlfriend. Said that he doesn’t understand why I’m with him if I obviously don’t trust him.
I don’t know if it’s an issue of mine or just part of my personality but trust takes time to build for me. Especially when I don’t have any proof. We both think it’s weird to snoop in peoples’ phones and he thinks so to the degree that his notifications are hidden until you unlock the phone. I feel like such a bitch not being able to just take what he says as fact and enjoy our time together.
Today I felt insecure again because he posted a photo that I took of him with no mention of me. I saw it hours later and he was responding to peoples’ comments with “ily🖤” “💀🖤” and then I got to a comment where he responded “🥺🖤” to a girl who said “icon.”
I commented “favorite” and he said “🤓🖤” and when I asked why the nerd emoji he said it’s because I’m a nerd. Maybe this is the insecure middle schooler in me, but it just feels like another way to not make it obvious that you have a girlfriend. Plus like damn I just want to feel special, why are these other people getting more affection and cute comments than I ever do.
I went to the “icon” girl’s account and saw a selfie where he commented “oh my 🖤” way before he met me. You can do whatever you want when you aren’t in a relationship so that’s not what I care about. I just see it as proof that he thinks she’s attractive. And she’s getting more affection than I do. It’s so hard for my brain to process that as just him hyping them up or whatever.
He said he’ll just turn his comments off if they make me insecure. I said no it’s my problem and I just won’t read them. I also know that whatever goes in the comments is probably happening 10x in DMs, but I didn’t say that because I know it would piss him off and he would think I’m accusing him of cheating.
Are these red flags or am I crazy and need a therapist? What would you take from all this?
[link] [comments]
from Dating Advice https://ift.tt/3xjVSQm
via IFTTT
No comments:
Post a Comment