I’m trying to make sense of it. I (20M) had trouble going to sleep last night and my mind wondered until I had the realization that I had only ever been with women that I thought I’d never date. Whether kissing, dating, sex, or otherwise, everyone that I’ve been with in any sexual or romantic context has been someone that I thought I wouldn’t date. Maybe they had some flaw, were my sisters friend, or I just didn’t think of them in that way, but regardless, I didn’t think I would date them. I always found the women attractive, but they were never really in my mind. Conversely, any women that I have actually had feelings for have pretty much ran away fairly quickly, even the ones who were initially attracted to me and I developed feelings for them later. It seems like a pattern to me, and I’m worried that if the pattern continues I won’t be able to have any meaningful relationships. I’m really just asking for some way to make sense of it all.
For context, I’m a tall, athletic, smart, 20 year old that is attending college. People have always told me that I’m attractive and that others have had crushes on me, but I’ve never really been that successful with women. Hell, the last girl I was with asked more than once how I didn’t have a girlfriend and fuck I’d like to know the answer to that question too
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