Hey everyone, I'm a 23 year old man in the middle of building my career and hopefully achieving enough success to have some fun in my adult life. I'm also fervently in search of a long term partner that is willing to stick with me until the end. I have no interest in bouncing around from woman to woman... I've dated a handful of girls in my life and I'm ready to commit to the right person. Unfortunately, finding that right person has been difficult, and the cards seem to be stacked against me in a few ways. The main wedge that seems to keep cropping up throughout all of my relationships is... difficult to talk about without backlash. Given the taboo nature of the topic and ridiculous media/social portrayal, I've almost never been able to have a serious discussion with anyone about it without some type of accusation or dismissal. Consider this a disclaimer.
With that out of the way, I'll stop beating around the bush. I'm well endowed. I also hate being well endowed. Those two facts don't seem to sink in with most people as being possible simultaneously, so let me try and explain my reasoning.
Due to media portrayals, being well endowed is a gift, it's desirable, it's masculine. It's also a novelty with no real practical benefit. For my past relationships, most but not all of my partners have been elated after discovering this about me. Others have ended things then and there. For those who gave me the chance, the excitement very quickly wears off and turns into indifference over time, and then finally frustration as all the day to day issues begin to reveal themselves. Bedroom activities taper off rapidly due to the fact that it just takes more effort and work to have a good time without difficulties. Sometimes couples want something quick and easy, and that just isn't possible in my situation. I can live with the sparse intimacy but it is disappointing nonetheless. I know it is natural for intimacy to slow down over time and it isn't a deal breaker for me whatsoever. But there's more... most in-style clothes that fit me halfway decently do not make it difficult to determine what I am working with after a quick glance. As a result, people talk. I don't receive comments regularly, but still often enough to be frustrating and common. This has annoyed all of my prior SOs. I've had friends and SO's friends go out of their way to talk to my SO's about my body, and drama always seems to follow. This has also been frustrating to most of my SO's. Family members have commented or questioned. Clothes shopping is expensive and difficult. Beach days or trips to the pool end with rumors. It's always something, and the women I've dated hated putting up with it. Combined with bedroom difficulties, they usually run out of patience and arguments begin, which are difficult to redirect due to the topic at hand. It unfortunately isn't something I can work to change, I have what I was given.
I guess what I'm asking is... am I unrealistic in my desire to find a partner who has similar long term goals and interests as I do, but also has an interest in me physically, is capable and excited about intimacy despite the difficulties, and willing to manage the social drama directed at me in stride? I've yet to discover such a person, and I'm not sure how best to screen for it ahead of time.
How could I approach this better in a way that could give me insight to how a potential partner might react or act without actually spending months or years of my time to throw darts at the dartboard? And how could this topic even been approached more delicately without immediately forcing the relationship to be sexually focused? Many people do not seem capable of disconnecting the sexual aspect of this situation from the social.
Realistically I understand that this is a relatively small issue to have in life, but it commands a lot of my attention when dating and trying to plan for my future happiness. It's been a difficult challenge to navigate so I would love to hear some outside perspective from people with a similar world-view and goals. I'd love to hear from both the men and the ladies here to get a well rounded perspective, if possible.
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