I just need some advice as I feel I am struggling to find people that I connect well with, but that I am also attracted to.
I'm a 21M in college and I would say I am not completely unattractive, my fashion sense could use some work (i do have clothes that fit me though) and get a bit more fit (working on that right now), but I've never been considered ugly by others it seems. My friends and past people I've been with have always said I'm a pretty good lookin guy. My personality I don't think holds me back. I'm described by my friends as kind, considerate, genuine, charismatic, emotionally intelligent, make those around me laugh a lot, non-judgmental, introverted some but really enjoy going out with friends and exploring new things even if it's out my comfort zone. I have my own hobbies and interests that I delve into, as well as goals and ambitions that I strive for, career or otherwise.
I have no problem connecting with people and find ways to get people to talk a lot about themselves and their interests as I try my best to ask interesting questions. But there seems to be a disconnect when it comes to trying to attract someone I actually find attractive. I feel like I'm the only one putting in work to get to know the other person, and they don't ask many things back, even on dating apps when they match with me (which makes no sense to me, why match if you don't want to actually try even a little bit). Although I do admit, my banter is much better in person, I feel like I can get my personality across a lot better in person. Plus I've even met girls who've told me they wouldn't have given me a chance online.
I tend to go for women who are more or less alt esque or black cat aesthetic (I know that encompasses a lot), but it is just a preference as I am attracted to other "types" of women and don't limit who I meet jusf based on just aesthetic appearance. It's just that the ones I have met tend to fit my preferences for attraction like dark hair/dark aesthetics, tattoos, piercings, into nerdy things like video games, board games or even dnd, similar music tastes, and a bit more assertive and straight up. Also, a lot of the women, friends or romantically, that I've met that fit this description tend to be more non-judgmental as well as understanding of me and the things that I've been through which is really important to me as I've had exes use my vulnerabilty against me. The problem with this though, seemingly, is that I don't dress or look alt. All I have appearance wise is the long hair and because of this, it makes me rule myself out from trying to introduce myself because I just assume they wouldn't be interested and I don't want to bother them, or just people in general.
And I know its kinda like a numbers game, but it's been getting exhausting to meet someone new and it just not seem like something doesn't mesh well or people not willing to put in minimal effort.
I guess what I'm looking for is where could I go to meet someone who has that style or aesthetic/people who are similar as a dude who kinda looks normal-ish without coming across as a weirdo (im afraid of people thinking I'm fetishsizing them or their culture when that's not the case, it's just a preference I have for what I find attractive personality and physically wise)? And are there girls that fit similar descriptions or types that wouldn't be opposed to someone like me trying to take them out?
Thank you in advance everyone!
TLDR: I dont necessarily have a problem with people being interested in me, but it tends to be people I don't find attractive and sometimes even when I do, there seems to be something personality wise that doesn't seem compatible with eachother. Just need some advice or comforting words on finding someone I really mesh well with while also being attracted to them physically.
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