I need advice. Apologies for the language; English is my second language.
I (M30) met a girl on Tinder about 7 months ago. We started texting, and we hit it off very well. Our conversations were deep, and we asked each other serious questions. We were on the same page with almost everything, and after a week of texting, I asked her out on a date. She agreed, and we set a plan. We decided on a simple walk in the park, as she had suggested it.
However, a few days before the date, she texted me saying that she had found a job for the day and asked if I wanted to meet later or if we should reschedule. I suggested we meet later that week, and we agreed on a new date. On the morning of the new date, she texted me again, saying that she couldn't meet because her ex brought her daughter earlier than expected, so we had to reschedule again.
I was devastated by this because I had never dated anyone before, and I really hoped to meet her. I also had other plans for the upcoming weeks, so I didn’t suggest another time. Then, she got really busy finishing her bachelor’s degree, starting a full-time job, and raising her daughter. Summer passed, and we still hadn’t met, but we continued texting every day.
In the autumn, she went back to university and was also working full time. I thought it would be impossible to balance all of that, but I supported her decision. Over time, we started texting less frequently, and sometimes weeks went by without any communication. Later, she reached out again, telling me that she might be burnt out. Her work environment was stressful, and her boss didn’t understand that she needed to raise her daughter and couldn’t work evenings. I tried to support her emotionally and gave her some advice.
At that point, she started saying that she wasn’t looking for a relationship. I understood and didn’t push further. I also helped her with some schoolwork and suggested that we meet up to study together. At first, she agreed and promised to let me know when she had time, but she never suggested a time. So, I helped her online instead. Around this time, she also started replying more slowly to my texts, but we still had great conversations.
At the beginning of this year, she told me she was leaving her job. However, her responses became even slower. When I initiated conversations, it would take her 1-2 days to reply, and when she did, she would apologize for not responding sooner. This didn’t bother me before, but I started noticing it more as the year progressed.
Then, last weekend, we were chatting like usual, and she sent me a screenshot from her phone. I noticed a notification from a dating app. It bothered me, so later that evening, I decided to create an account on that app. When I finished, she was the first person who popped up. It hurt so much. I took a screenshot of her profile and deleted my account. I was devastated and promised myself I would cut ties with her.
But later this week, I thought about it more and checked her profile on that app. The pictures were old. She regularly sends me pictures of herself and her daughter (though she never posts photos of her daughter anywhere). The pictures on the app were definitely old, and I’m not sure what the notification meant. I don’t know if she’s messaging someone or not, and it’s messing with my mind right now.
This week, she’s been very affectionate, trying to message me and asking what’s going on with me. She also suggested we meet because she wants to thank me for helping her with school and everything. She’s starting to feel that something is wrong because I haven’t been texting her as much.
I’m posting here for advice because I feel very insecure. I haven’t dated anyone before, and she’s the first girl in over 10 years who’s been so caring and affectionate towards me. I don’t want to get hurt anymore, but we’ve never had a conversation about being exclusive. I’m starting to think maybe I’m just immature and should wait another 1-2 months before we meet. She’s amazing in every other way, and I’m afraid I might never meet someone so good again.
I don’t know what to do.
Sorry for the long post, but I needed to get this off my chest.
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