So, I've never been on a date. I’m going to be 30 in a couple of months, and I’m starting to think that I should try this stuff out before I’m “past my prime”. However, I’m being held back by some anxiety and self-esteem problems. There are other things that challenge me as well, but I think the self-esteem issues are the source of most of my troubles.
I didn’t get into dating as a teenager because I was overweight and spent all of my time and money on video games. In my mid-twenties, I got in shape, got out of gaming, and started taking better care of myself. I started getting attention from women, but I wasn't sure what to do about it, because it was something I never thought would happen.
The anxiety/body image problems stem from being bullied a lot over my weight when I was younger, and now I’ve developed intense anxiety over any situation where I perceive myself as vulnerable. Girls and guys both made fun of me for who I was and what I looked like, and I ended up assuming that I “wasn’t allowed” to be interested in girls, because of who I was back then.
Despite the fact that I’m probably physically attractive enough to get a date, the long-term damage to my self-esteem and confidence from these things make me feel like I’m never going to be “good enough”. So I have a really hard time opening up to anybody, and I’m very critical of my appearance, even though the criticism is probably unfounded.
I’m also not very good at telling whether or not somebody is attracted to me, because I’ve got practically zero experience with that. Sometimes I can pick up on when someone else is flirting with me, but it took years to get there, and I’m not very good at interpreting body language.
I’ve dabbled in Tinder and OkCupid over the last year, but I’m lost about what the expectations are for men in online dating; the two instances where I was close to getting a date both fizzled. I’m pretty introverted, and I don’t like bars or parties, so online dating is probably my best bet. I'm probably going to try Bumble next.
Any advice for getting over the anxiety and self-esteem issues? That stuff just causes me to freeze up when I need to be confident.
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