To start off, I just moved across the country to start my career but before | left, I met a great guy in my hometown. Let's call him Alex. He already knew I was leaving but still continued to pursue me. As much warnings I gave him, he still tried to do whatever he could to work it out. I was always a big believer that long distance never worked as I tried in the past. This was all mentioned to him as well. Even when he brought up how he wanted us to be exclusive, I never told him I could because I was not sure about us, I just enjoyed our conversations and he truly became my best friend. We have been talking for a few months and we genuinely have a great connection. He makes me feel loved, wanted, and I truly gained feelings for him overtime. While I was still talking to Alex, I was approached by a guy in my new city who seemed to be what I was looking for. Attraction wise and compatibility wise. We will call him Nathan. Nathan started taking me on these great dates, he spent so much time planning dates for me and making me feel so special. I was attracted to him instantly. I was talking to both Nathan and Alex at the same time for a month. I came back down to my hometown to handle some things and I met with Alex and we shared great moments together in person. Alex told me he loved me and i knew i took it too far with him. I had to end things because | loved him too, but I didn't want to keep stringing him along. I knew i couldn't have both guys and i decided to tell Alex the truth, that I was talking to someone else. Alex was completely heart broken, he was begging me to pick him, to be with him, tears were running down his face. He was saying how bad he wanted to off himself and I started crying seeing him like that. Knowing I'm the one that caused this. I never meant to hurt him, i know i took it too far but i just really loved talking to him. As soon as I knew I needed to end it, i did but i still think i went too far. I feel such shame and guilt. I know how it feels to have ur heart broken and knowing i did this to someone I care so much about is tearing me apart. Am i a bad person? How can I fix this? I feel so guilty. I can't sleep or eat. I know I want Nathan now but my heart is still back in my hometown. I feel like i can't be happy with nathan because i made another person hurt in the process. Please help. Any advice ?
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