I’m 32F and got out of a 10 year relationship about three years ago, so for the last three years I’ve been casually dating and trying to learn and understand how that works again.
I’m at a pretty good place financially in my life, have savings, make good money, no debt, etc. I don’t spend much but I am able to buy rounds of drinks for friends, go to nice dinners, go to concerts, travel not on the cheapest airlines, etc.
Generally in dating the last couple years, it’s been normal to just kind of trade off paying for things more or less equally. Sometimes the guys wanna pay for dinner more so I let them if it feels like we make a similar amount of money. If there’s an event I want to go to with friends and bring a guy with I’ll pay for him, etc. Not a huge fan of guys paying for things for me because I don’t want them to hold it over me. If I go out with someone and it’s clear they make exponentially more money with than me then I’m fine with them paying for most things if they want. Usually I’ve made more tho by a little so I’ll end up paying for the hotel if we travel etc.
Now I’m starting to see this guy who I’m pretty sure makes considerably less than me. I don’t care, he’s a great person. Income doesn’t determine someone’s value. But I really really don’t want to be in a place where I’m dating someone and suffering financially because of it. It’s casual so far, and we’ve both been paying for lunches or casual meals here and there. I’ve ended up paying for a couple bigger things like a concert with friends that we went to. That’s all fine. I just don’t wanna get into a pattern where it’s expected that I pay for everything expensive. I also do enjoy going to nice dinners and traveling with partners, but I don’t think that he can do that. Should I just do those things by myself then?
Basically, I’m just thinking about if this is too much of a mismatch in lifestyle or not, realistically. It’s not serious yet, but I wouldn’t wanna make it more serious unless I think it could actually work. Part of the fun of dating someone is doing things with them, so if all we do is watch TV and cuddle, I’m not sure if that’s a good enough reason to date. I don’t want to make him feel insecure or not good enough if I go out to things without him because he can’t afford it. Any advice for how to navigate any of this?
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