Hello,
I’m reaching out for some advice on how to navigate a difficult situation.
A couple of months ago, my girlfriend’s phone buzzed with a Snapchat notification. I’ve never gone through her phone before, but for some reason, I decided to check. The message was from a guy named Jack, but it was blank—either deleted or unsent. When I scrolled up, I found a couple of saved videos of Jack masturbating. The videos were dated a month before we started dating, so I initially struggled with how upset I should be. When I asked her about it, she said she kept them to show and laugh about with her friends.
We moved past it, but about a week later, I asked to look through her phone again. In her hidden folder were boudoir photos she’d shown me once before, which didn’t bother me. However, in the deleted folder, I found a large number of explicit photos and homemade sex videos from before we started dating.
From time to time, she also receives random texts from old flings saying things like “hey, I miss you,” which we’ve talked through and tried to move past.
What I’m struggling with is understanding why, after two years together, she still has these explicit images and videos on her phone. She’s told me these people meant nothing to her. We’ve always had what I believed to be a healthy sex life, yet we’ve never exchanged intimate photos or made any videos ourselves.
Early in our relationship, she asked me to block all my exes to build trust—and I did so without hesitation. That’s part of why this feels difficult; I thought there was a mutual understanding about boundaries with past partners.
I love her and want to move forward, but I can’t ignore the fact that she’s continued occasional chats with men she had flings with. A part of me worries that if the right opportunity presented itself, she might cheat, and I don’t want to put myself in that position.
I’ve also built my entire life around her and her children—who I love deeply—by moving towns and changing careers, leaving behind the support system I once had.
I’m genuinely concerned and unsure of the best next steps. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.
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