I have a boyfriend of almost 3 years and we are in a very good relationship except for one thing: sex. Although he cuddles, hugs, kisses (pecks), he never really makes out with me, even at the beginning of our relationship. His sexual drive is lower than men his age. When we have sex, it's usually short and most of the times, I have to get myself off. But I can bear all of that because we have been working on our sex life and it has been improving. To give you a background, he had a very active sex life when he was younger and has been with so many women. (We both are 26). His sexual drive went way down few years before I met him. About a year ago, we had a very intense conversation about our sex life because I was very frustrated with it. He said something that really hurt me: he said all his past gfs are blonde and white. I am petite, brunette girl and he said that I am a very gorgeous person but not "hot" and that's why I am not sexually appealing to him. It broke my heart and I almost thought about breaking up with him but he apologized and said those words didn't mean anything and that he's sorry. We tried therapy and things got a little bit better so I tried to let the past slide and decided to move on. However, it seems that I never recovered from that. Starting that day, I became more self-conscious about my body and my face. I started comparing myself with his exes and really led me to a bad place. I brought it up to him but he assured me that he really didn't mean what he said and that he is very attracted to me in many ways. I tried to get over it but the words keep haunting me and no amount of verbal assurance from him was going to cure that. I get more insecure, especially around blonde women; it's insane. It let me to a dark, bad behavior. I snooped his computer. I saw that he sometimes watches porn (not that usual) and I am okay with that. But I also saw that he's looking up some of his exes and this other girl he used flirt with named Hanna (he searches them about once a month). He doesn't talk to them anymore but they come up regularly in conversations when we are hanging out with his friends. And it's several times that he brings up about Hanna's body in front of me (she is a curvy girl and models as well. Posts a lot of her barely clothes pictures on social media). When I snooped his browser history, I saw an instance where he was looking at Hanna's promiscuous pictures and porn at the same time. Means he's probably jerking off to her or used her pictures to get horny, right? It's also right when he wakes up in the morning. I've also seen him looking at her snapchat stories when I am around. I am very sad because he claims his sexual drive is low but looking these girls up to jerk off? And I know he will never cheat on me but doesn't mean he isn't interested in other woman. It is really bothering him. I admitted to him about snooping but didn't bring this up yet. He forgave me for snooping and we are all good now. I saw that he only did it once but who knows about times I don't know. Is it just a simple man thing? Should I even bring this up? PLEASE HELP!
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