I matched a guy [27m] on Tinder a month ago and we started talking. We had an amazing two dates. I think what really drew me to him was the fact that he was so interested in getting to know me, was funny and was happy to talk about things. At the end of the second date I started to catch feelings for him because I thought he was super awesome, and all.
The issue was that outside of dating he was the worst communicator. He was a teacher and said he was busy a lot of the time, and so sometimes he would text back within 3 hours and sometimes it would take upwards of 16-24 hours before I would get a reply. This would happen from the very start, he just didn't text as often. I found this hard for me because quite often I liked to keep in contact with the people I'm dating even if it was just sending a meme across or something.
Another issue is that he couldn't commit to dates and was poor in communicating that across (because he's a poor texter). This actually happened when we were trying to plan date number two. He said he was keen to see me again, so we said Thursday dinner. He didn't get back to me for three days, I had to reconfirm the morning and then he flaked out saying that he was sick and wasn't able to anymore. This annoyed me a bit.
This past week however, has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I got fed up playing these games in my head of whether he was into me and so thought I would try to pursue his interest. I tried calling him a few times (maybe twice only), because I gathered if he hated texting, maybe he enjoys to call. Anyway, we were going to see each other on the Sunday (two Sundays ago), and he cancelled the morning of because he had school work to do, I said that's fine, he said lets do next weekend.
Okay great! I was waiting for a confirmation of a time the whole week, it got to be a point where I asked okay, what's going on? He didn't respond at all for a few hours. So I texted him again, just to reconfirm, because I have friends who are planning things so I wanted to obviously make time for them as well as for him. He finally got back to me that night telling me that he had a work thing and was busy so couldn't get back to me sooner and we agreed on Sunday.
Come Saturday, he texted me the day before cancelling Sunday saying that his weekend has been jam packed and he was hoping to postpone it to Monday. I lost it. I made my entire Sunday free for him. I texted him asking if he can call me so we can talk about it. He said he can't because he was at dinner. So I just said that we could just have a chill one on Sunday unless he really wanted to move it to Monday. So he replied back later that night saying he would call me on Sunday.
On Sunday, I texted him that I was free to call anytime during the day. I started to get anxious and worried, at this point, after a month of delayed texts and flaking, I just wanted to know if he was interested in me. I didn't want to be dragged along through the dirt anymore if this wasn't going to become anything. So I tried calling him and left him a voice mail asking him to call me when he gets this. He finally texted me back, saying that he honestly thinks he's not available enough and serious enough for me. I tried to explain why I've been a bit attached, and because of the mixed messages I've been getting from him. He then tells me that he's super busy and that I can't expect every date or commitment that we make to fall into place. I offered to try and make it work and pursue it as I still had feelings for him. He said that he didn't think it was a good idea and it'd be better to just stay friends. I told him that I didn't want friendship and wanted something more serious and he said okay, no worries, and left it at that.
I've been dwelling on these thoughts since Sunday and I can't help but blame myself. I keep blaming myself if I wasn't so attached or needy maybe he would still be interested. I think I am finding this hard because I was hopeful and had a genuine connection with him. But the other part of me is telling me that communication is important, he disrespected you and thats a red flag.
How do I work through these feelings of blame and rejection? I feel like I could have done more and better. It blows, because I really got along with this person when I was there in person.
TLDR; My (25m) date (27m) rejected me after two dates, despite us getting along. Problem is that he was horrible at texting and flaked out on dates. Made me feel a bit too attached this past week and has screwed up my emotions. He said that I needed someone more available and serious than him. I can't help but blame myself for this rejection.
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