Ive spent the last 4 months torturing myself wondering how she felt about me and if we were going in the right direction. I was warned by close friends that she was using me, but I continued to ignore the red flags and kept on trying.
I always try and see the best in people, and couldn't accept that someone who i thought was amazing could really lead someone on for months, but reflecting on things now I wish I'd listened and saved myself the heart ache.
Little backstory, we would talk all the time, went on nights out with each other and a few weekends away were we stayed in hotels or came back to mine. She had told me how she wanted to become good friends before getting into relationships and I could really feel us becoming very close. The problem is whenever the subject of us leading somewhere was brought up she'd pull back and go cold, messaging me then a week or so later saying she missed me and it was like a reset and we'd go again.
I do believe I became attached far too quickly, and probably gave her too much (mothers day gifts from her daughter she can't see at the minute, meaningful birthday gifts) all which was very appreciated but probably let me believe we were pretty much together.
I noticed over the last month or two she started to respond less, we'd still goout for food or away with each other but I started getting the sense she was just using me for attention when it suited her. The last straw for me was when we didn't talk for 3 weeks and then she messaged me telling me how much she's missed me so I went and picked her up and we had a really fun night in the car laughing listening to music, she was very flirtatious and kept asking me if I'd missed her too. The next day she went back to ignoring me and it's been 2 weeks since we spoke so I knew I had to block her and move on.
I feel I've let myself down quite a bit in this whole relationship, I forgot my self worth and let insecurities get the better of me. I created a picture of who I thought she was in my head and ignored any bad signs. Having a 5 year old I have always been cautious of dating, wanting to make sure they were a good role model etc, but all of that went out the window here. At least I can take away some important lessons from all of this heart ache
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