So I’m 27 (M). I was an awkward student athlete nerdy type growing up. I had a full academic scholarship to a top 100 university. But, I dropped out in my second year due to alcoholism which runs in my family. I took my first drink at 18. Then, I went way down in the depths. Suicide attempts and more drugs. Me at mental hospitals. Womanizing later on as I started to get sober. I dated an equally lost former playboy model 23 years older than me for years. I got sober while I was with her. I just broke up with her less than a week ago after trying so many times to help her with her deep issues. I’m currently just over 4 years completely sober and I was with her on and off for 5 years.
I also had cancer just over two years ago. I had a major surgery (so I have a very visible scar down my chest that is very very noticeable when I take off my shirt. I’m completely “cured” as I passed the two year threshold and now have a 95% lifelong survival chance (no recurrence).
Shortly after my surgery, I also got a Chinese woman that spoke broken a English and drove a Ferrari (39 years old) pregnant I met on an online dating app that I was cheating on the older woman former Playboy girl with. I don’t know if she actually had the kid or not because she kicked me out of her life when I told her I wanted to be friends and help raise the kid platonically. I didn’t have enough money at the time to find her or fight in the legal system.
I also drove Uber for the last year which I’m embarrassed about and don’t tell any of these girls I date, so I lie about that too. Because look at me. I’m clean Mr. Businessman now /s
I’ve come a long way though. I have a comfortable amount of savings. I keep everything on spreadsheets. I’m super organized. I fixed my credit completely. No blemishes. And I started a digital marketing business that has not yet launched. I also have a real estate rental business in the works. I could be decently wealthy soon if all my plans work out.
Regarding all the baggage, it doesn’t affect me in a significant way emotionally anymore. I don’t have depression about anything that I went through. I’m actually immensely proud I beat everything. I would say I’m even more balanced emotionally than the average person now. I’m happy. I’m financially secure and I have a bright future. I’m healthy.
But, how the hell do I approach dating? I feel like because I have so much baggage that will inevitably come out that there’s no way in hell I can attract the clean cut girls I used to like when I was younger before everything happened. I fee like the types of girls I should be dating are those covered in tattoos (no offense to tattoos) with lingering drug issues and broke because that’s who I really am.
I do ok on online dating sites with initiating a connection, but I feel like I’m lying with every word and advertisement about who I am. I seem very clean cut and nerdy, which is who I am now, but there’s all this scar tissue (literally). I’m so lost and discouraged that I’ll find anyone I can truly connect with based on my checkered past and newfound balance.
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