STOP with this nonsense. Just have a conversation. You don't need to solve the meaning of life on a first date. You don't need to (and shouldn't) share your most personal stories with somebody you just met. You shouldn't feel pressured to impress someone with your "deep" thoughts, and you shouldn't expect that from anyone else. It's extremely rare to have a truly mutually deep conversation with a stranger, and it's really not something you can plan or force.
A cashier at a food store complimented my outfit/aesthetic last week, so I responded in a way that I thought was appreciative but otherwise neutral, and ten seconds later she was telling me all about how she went to rehab, and was at odds with her family, and all these uncomfortable personal details. This was in the time span of buying and bagging three items in a self-checkout lane. It's an extreme example, but still.
Beyond the risk of massively oversharing, there's still the risk of saying something meant to be "deep" that's just idiotic and damages the other person's opinion of you. Some people fail to realize that their own deep truths are someone else's silly fantasies, or else matters of conflicting opinion that may ultimately be acceptable, but don't need to be included in a very early impression.
"You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation."
The way I interpret this quote, "play" can just as easily be "witty banter", because people will show their true character much more openly when they're relaxed, joking around, and having fun than when they're strictly trying to appear clever and emotionally aware.
Personally, when I meet somebody new, one of the things I pay the most attention to is their ability to keep up a conversation that's lighthearted and meaningless. True depth is exhausting, and fake depth is irritating. I'm much more interested in your ability to have fun.
That's all I got.
[link] [comments]
from Dating Advice https://ift.tt/3mJsAVn
via IFTTT
No comments:
Post a Comment