I (27, F) started my job in the Spring of 2019. I was introduced to “Rob” (44, M) by my coworker. Rob works in another department in my building. He asked my coworker about me the next day, but she told him that I had a boyfriend. Fast forward to September of 2020, my three-year relationship with my ex had been dwindling for a long time. My coworker knew this and told Rob that I had asked about him in the office and that I’d probably be receptive to him reaching out. In mid-October, he reached out to me and asked me on a date. We had instant sparks and chemistry from the get-go. Despite the age gap, I felt so comfortable with him immediately. He was such a gentleman. The next day he asked when we can have another date. I had been going back and forth with this for a while, and decided to do the “right” thing, so I told him that I couldn’t take things further with him because I was in a relationship. He asked if he could still stay in contact with me, and then asked if we could discuss things in person the next day.
The next day, we met during my lunch break at work. Rob asked if I could give him a shot, and said that he thinks that this is worth pursuing. He made a lot of proclamations to me about helping me do the things around my apartment that my ex would never help me do (mowing the lawn, raking leaves, etc.) He said that his daughter can be difficult but that he is willing to make this work with me. Rob also said that he wants more children. I told him that I couldn’t give him an answer at that point, since everything was happening so quickly. It was making me a bit uncomfortable because I felt like I was being put on the spot to say “yes”.
After that weekend, I rethought the situation with Rob and decided that I did want to pursue things. We had a second date that week, and we ended up back at my apartment to watch a movie. We had sex, and everything felt so natural. I never felt more comfortable or compatible with someone so quickly. Because we were drinking wine, I got a little emotional and teared up about the situation with my ex. I felt extremely guilty, and he could tell.
The next day, he was texting me a lot about how he can’t wait to see me again and how the sex was so amazing. He met me over my lunch break again and asked me to come over to his house that weekend for a movie marathon.
I went to his house on Saturday night. He cooked me dinner, and we had a few drinks. We again had sex. I broached the subject of what we were becoming. I asked him if he saw me fitting into his life, realistically. It was then that he changed a bit, he said that he didn’t want me to break up with my ex just for him. He said that it puts too much pressure on him to meet all of my expectations in the time that I need them met. I felt really confused after he had come on so strong and was sort of pushy with me at first. He asked me to stay the night, and I did.
After I got home the next day around noon, I told him that I think maybe I misread some things. He responded that he had an amazing time with me, but be also said that maybe we weren’t compatible with time tables.
After that, we continued to text for a few weeks. I asked him if he’d like to see each other a week after our last date, but he said that he was very busy with various things. I took it as a brush off, but continued to answer his texts until they tapered off. I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago, and I let him know that during a conversation. He said that he was afraid to tell me for a while that he was introduced to another woman when I initially told him I couldn’t take things further, and that he pursued that angle. He said that he wants to see where things go with this other woman, but also acted bummed out that I was finally single when he wasn’t. Rob said that he is “absolutely interested” in me beyond physical and sexual attraction, but that the timing wasn’t right. He said that he stands by all the proclamations he made to me.
It has been about a month and a half since our last date, and I’m still having trouble shaking off the feeling of being used. It went from intense guilt of being deceitful to my ex to feeling completely rejected. I can’t properly grieve my ex because my head is still so wrapped up in what happened with Rob. I was obsessively wondering what I did to turn Rob off for a month before he told me that he was dating someone else. I couldn’t understand how he could lay it on so passionately for me, only to become so cold.
My last text to him was a reply to his explanation of having another woman. I told him that I broke up for myself, not for anyone else. I haven’t respond to his last text.
Tldr; I (27, F) fell hard and broke up with my ex for a man (44) who ended up choosing another woman.
[link] [comments]
from Dating Advice https://ift.tt/2KG65mh
via IFTTT
No comments:
Post a Comment