Please help me out and give me you're opinion I'm worried I'm a bad person and I'm manipulating people without realising it and this is the first time I'm being called out on it.
I've tried my best to write this post while reading our texts in order to make it as unbiased as possible. Also for context we're both 21 and in college and have jobs.
Okay so I broke up with this girl last night because I felt like it wasn't right and she then got really upset about it and ended up saying I gaslight her. Now I'm worried that I did and I just wanted to ask people's opinions. I'll try to be as unbiased as I can but obviously you're only reading this from my side of the story.
So we met on tinder in August during quarantine. We went on two dates the first two week of September (a week apart) where we were quite drunk but we only kissed on the second date. I thought she was really lovely and educated and I do think she shared a lot about ourselves probably due to the fact that we had been drinking and I'm a pretty open book.
Now we're both lgbtq so we had both said that we didn't want to 'u-haul'. I even said it was a big reason as to why I ended it with the last person I went on dates with. I also told her that I was going for surgery at the end of the year (I'm a week into recovery at the moment) so I really wasn't looking for anything serious. She agreed and said she wasnt either. We both said that if we wanted to date other people that was fine just to give the other a heads up. I said I probably wouldn't date other people as I just didn't have that kind of time but took no issue with her doing so.
Lock down happened and we couldn't see each other for ages so we went to watching Netflix together and trying to do stuff online like carving pumpkins on videochat and once she was drunk and asked me to facetime her while she fell asleep. I didn't have an issue and thought she was just struggling a bit with lock down so I went along with it. I also made sure to reiterate that I didn't want anything serious.
She then invited me to play among us in discord with a group of her friends and told me about a radio show she was hosting with a friend and I tuned in to show my support. She also opened up to me about feeling like she can't just be upset with people like they always bring up themselves being upset too.
Yesterday we had a chat because she said she missed me and I was worried that she would need more from me than I could give (I just don't have a lot of time between work recovery friends and medical illness it's just how it is)
So then tonight she asked me about new pictures on my tinder and said I didn't realise two new pictures was a load. She then asked if I was being passive aggressive, I apologisesd and said i didn't mean for to sound that way and was just trying to make a joke because I didn't want her to think she couldn't ask about my tinder if she wanted to.
She said she wasn't sure what to say and started talking about how she opened up the previous day and I had made it about me (I felt guilty because I don't have a lot of time) and she in general didn't know if I wanted to see her.
She then said I was being inconsiderate of her feelings and putting words in her mouth. She said I was acting as if she was being excessive and overbearing. I said I wasn't and that it wasn't anyone's fault, that she might need more from me than I could give and that that wasn't anyone fault.
She then said that's the bare minimum (wanting to spend time) and that I said she was the type of person who always wanted to spend time together, I pointed out that I didn't say that and even said that if she did want to spend a lot of time together that wasn't the issue the issue was she would be expecting something from me I couldn't give.
She said she didn't feel irrational I said I never said she was being irrational she said I made her feel like she was.
I then said maybe we should just stop this and that it shouldn't be this hard. She asked if I was breaking up, I said yes then she started getting upset because I 'led her on' and shouldn't have been on a dating site when I wasn't open to dating people. She also said that we stopped being serious after doing things such as Me listening to her radio show Falling asleep on face time together My sibling following her on twitter Me interacting with her publicly (such as replying to her tweets) Me saying I wanted to hold hands and was excited to see her
She then ended the conversation with: just listen to me this isnt casual and dont do this to anyone in the future x because it fucking hurts hahahaha thanks for leading me on you fucked me over and im telling u to not do that to someone's else x just learn from this and dont do it to another girl you gaslighted me hahaha
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