First post here, hopefully this tip is as valuable for others as it has been for me. I think this can be useful to anyone in a relationship as well as those still seeking one out.
I had really piss poor self-esteem and mental health when I was younger. I struggled for some time with an ED. I hated a lot of things about my appearance and like most people, I was always comparing myself to others who I perceived as being miles more attractive.
Some time in university, I had the thought: just because I’m not my own type, doesn’t mean I’m not somebody else’s. I think I’m ugly, I hate xyz body part, but really... but so fucking what? People focus so much promoting the idea that good self-esteem is feeling “beautiful” and obviously that’s ideal, but realizing that I can simply just tolerate my appearance was life changing. Becoming comfortable with myself happened naturally afterwards. It made me stop chasing ridiculous standards and took a lot of pressure off. I will never, ever be what I personally perceive as “beautiful” because of factors that are beyond my control. Same goes for many of us out there. Realize that and accept that because it is totally ok.
Regardless of how many or few compliments you’ve gotten in your life, how many people have asked you on a date, even if that’s 0, I guarantee you that there are plenty of people who find you attractive. Trust others when they give you nice compliments, even if you think they’re delusional. I used to doubt that shit so hard, but since adopting this mindset, my internal reaction is kind of an amused “I feel like I’ve somehow sneakily tricked you but, win for me :)” This trust has helped me stop being so preoccupied with my physical self and build confidence through my hobbies, passions and work.
Maybe this is not as groundbreaking for others as it was for me, but I thought I’d shoot my shot in sharing anyway, in case it can bring reassurance to even one person. I want to say also that this isn’t meant to imply you need to lean on others to build your self-confidence at all, and that there are many other components beyond just physical appearance that make you attractive.
TL;DR - it’s not the end of the world if you don’t find yourself attractive. we are often encouraged to learn to see ourselves as “beautiful” and while that’s ideal, it can be really fucking hard. My advice is instead learning and accepting that you really don’t need to find yourself attractive - it just means you aren’t your type, but I assure you that you are certainly somebody else’s. Beauty is 100% subjective.
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