I've decided that I am attractive - how can I keep believing this? (25F)

Hi I'm 25f, never dated anyone, no guy has ever even been interested in me. Never kissed anyone, never held anyone's hand, nothing. I've always felt ugly and like it was impossible that anyone would ever like me (bc my mom said so haha) so I never showed any guys that I was interested in them or tried to date. Also I was really focused on getting into med school and didn't want to get distracted. (I don't regret this choice, but I do think I could have done both if I wasn't so scared... oh well, live and learn!)

Now I'm about to graduate med school and start residency in a few months and I want to start putting myself out there bc all of 2020 I basically had nothing to do during the pandemic and worked on my self-esteem. Now I do believe that there are great things about me and I am worthy of love. The thing that holds me back though is that I know I'm not hot - like all my friends are super hot and always have guys interested in them. But no one has ever even looked at me. I don't dislike anything about my appearance, I love my eyes, hair and smile especially... but I know I'm not hot.

But over the past year I've learned that a lot of being attractive is also your own belief that you are attractive and being confident. I've decided today that I am attractive and that's that. But how can I keep this confidence, especially when I'm around other people and feel self-conscious about myself? Sometimes guys will talk to me even in a professional/platonic setting and I freeze up and start having paranoid thoughts about how they're judging me for not being pretty and are going to ridicule me if I show any interest in them... irrational, I know, but I'm glad I'm at least aware I'm doing this now. (Maybe guys have been interested in me but this kind of response pushes them away?? idk? Maybe I don't have to die alone if I can start feeling more comfortable in these situations?)

Any advice is appreciated! (also I am partly posting this as an accountability thing for myself so I don't slip back into thinking I am ugly lol)

submitted by /u/Accomplished-Pie-652
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