Crossroads with current boyfriend - ATX News Paper

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Sunday, September 25, 2022

Crossroads with current boyfriend

I (29 F) am in a unique situation with the guy (30 M) I'm dating. To make a very long story shorter, about a month after we met, he found out that his job is moving him overseas next year. He talked to me about it as soon as he found out, and we decided to keep dating as if he wasn't leaving to see what happened.

I really do like him. I think we get along great. I'm super attracted to him, and the sex is awesome. He's met some of my friends and family, and I'm scheduled to meet his family when he's back from his vacation in a few weeks. That being said, I'm in a place where I feel like my feelings could go either way. I could lean into the few negative feelings and end things an be fine, or I feel like I could lean into the many positive feelings and end up falling madly in love with him. Like, I can't stop thinking about a few things he does that give me the "ick" but I also stole one of his shirts to wear to bed while he's gone.

But, since I know he's leaving, I'm torn on what to do. I'm also not sure how to bring things up other than to say, "Hey, I feel like I am in a position right now to choose whether I fall in love with you or break up with you. What do you think?"

I really, really struggle with communication and was taught to hide my feelings as a kid and always pretend that everything was perfect and wonderful even if it wasn't. So now I'm trying to decide whether I should just let him go while I'm on the fence about him, or if I should talk to him about this and give him a choice in the matter. But he's gone for a few weeks, and I think that, if his current lack of communication continues, I'll be more on the breakup side of the fence than the love side when he gets back. Is it okay to ask for this conversation while he's away? Is this a fair thing to do during his vacation? How do I ever begin to bring this up without sounding like a total nutcase. I mean, is this feeling even really a thing?

TL;DR: I feel like I am at a crossroads where I could either fall head-over-heels for my current boyfriend or I could lose interest altogether, and I'm not sure whether I should bring this up with him while he's 3,000 miles away on vacation or roll the dice and hope I feel the same by the time he gets back in a few weeks.

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