So a friend (M22) of mine (F20) asked me out; I knew it was coming and tried very hard to avoid the topic but he presisted - he is quite determined I will say. And yeah I turned him down and yeah he broke his heart.
I felt I had to hear him out now that the convo started; as walking away would be rude. He said I was everything he ever wanted in a partner. He said that he wanted someone "like him"; someone who is smart, ambitious, pursuing higher education in a high ranked university, is of good moral character, doesn't drink, etc; doesn't believe in sleeping around, and also likes kids and has an affinity for them. He said how I met all those things and he felt he did as well (which he did). He said how we got along so well (we did) and had enough things in common but also complemented each other. He said that I was among the kindest people I ever met and he couldn't help but falling in love with me.
Honestly I am flattered and love the kind words. However unfortunately I have 0 attraction to him other than as a friend. I would love to have a partner who is smart and has good more values yes but I would also need to be physically attracted to him and I just aren't. What I find interesting is that I am quite physically attractive (avg height, dirty blonde hair, white, good looks, polish heritage) and he didn't mention my looks at all - he really focused on how I was smart, of good character, and good with kids. Maybe that is how attraction works for him but like I said whil the first two are important, I need physical attraction and while I am into tall guys (which he is) I like guys who are more athletically built (he is more of a Dad bod) and I have a preference for white guys (and he's brown). I also would like a guy to have higher social status than myself and his is lower, both school wise and economically.
Anyway he wanted to know why I didn't feel the same. I told him I need to gather my thoughts and get back to him. I don't want to come off as a shallow elitist racist; how should I approch this?
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