I started taking online dating more seriously and have been getting a few first dates. They’ve been fine, not bad, not great, and I’m wondering if there are some things I should be doing differently. The conversation goes well, some joking, laughing, sharing stories and background, but it never feels like either of us are really into the other, which I think is reasonable considering we’ve only just met. I have been attracted to them of course, but I’m not sure if I’ve been very good at showing it. For all of these dates, messages were mostly just around making sure we are both real, normal people then scheduling a date, so we are still strangers to each other at that first meeting. So, a few questions about first dates.
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First dates have all been around 90-120 minutes, never longer. Enough time for a drink and conversation. I’ve seen a lot of people talk about really long 4+ hour long dates. should I be aiming for that?
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I’d say 50% of the dates we greet with a hug, but other than that it never feels natural to break the touch barrier, especially if we are sitting across from each other. Should I be trying to force this more, or just do what feels natural?
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I‘m worried that these women don’t think I’m attracted to them. I definitely keep conversation light and playful, some tame flirting, but I’m worried I’m not pushing the boundaries enough. It feels really forced to do that with someone I’ve just met, but I wondering if I need to be forcing more romantic/ sexual language. I don’t want to seem like I’m just looking to get in their pants, but I don’t want them to think of me as the asexual goofball either.
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Related to my last point, but none of these dates have ended with a kiss, usually just a hug. Feels very odd to try and go in for a kiss after only knowing someone for less than two hours. I’d like to have kissed these women, but it never really felt right. I never felt like I was getting the signals from them that they wanted that.
Everything on this list are things I’d feel a lot more natural doing with someone who I’ve known longer, so someone I didn’t meet online, or a second/ third date, but doesn’t feel natural for someone I’ve just met. I’ve never dated a woman who I felt was really attracted to me where it was obvious there was something there either, so maybe I just haven’t met the right people yet if that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Any tips or experiences are appreciated.
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